2013, WTF?

How did this happen?

I think most of my writing energy has gone toward writing THREE mother f'in' screenplays (yay! clap for me!) and a manuscript of poems, and 7.2 million facebook updates.

That's a lot of creative energy.

And I think I finally have a kind of magic supplement/herb/regimen/whatever balance to keep my cycles regular, and to mostly keep my depression at bay.

So what I do is:

1. an hour of yoga every day (cumulative if necessary)
2. five minutes of writing and meditation - minimum
3. bodywork at least every two weeks
4. actually TALK to my partner about things that are bothering me
5. weekly family meetings so we all know what is coming up and how to handle childcare/meet individual needs
6. sleep before 11 at least twice a week (this is the hardest on the list to get to!)
7. daily doses of vitex, levoxyl, D3, omega 3s, DHEA, DiM/indolplex, multivitamin with probiotics
8. monthly doses of progon/progesterone pellets...I take 2.5 of them from day 12-24. That's my cycle, 24 days. though lately it has been 26.

Ideally I'd be getting Mayan Abdominal Massage every month, and I'd be performing the self-care massage on myself every night. I do it about once a week. But I do use castor oil packs with heat during my cycle and right before it. SO good.

But the premenstrual stuff is BRUTAL. I become equal parts angry, bitter, sad, and fearful. I have started taking an extra couple of DiM's -- the indolplex, which is an estrogen regulator -- and it REALLY helps. Also right before ovulation.

If our military could harness the rage of premenstrual, perimenopausal women, there would be no more war. Our enemies would be far too afraid to attack.

Plus I am already an ornery, fiery, mouthy l'il bitch. I was born that way.

I'm also very kind and extremely empathetic and compassionate. Generous to a fault. But I carry grudges for DECADES. Once someone has betrayed my trust, it takes me FOREVER gain it back. Usually I can't. Such is the psychological makeup of an adult child of alcoholics. Defensive, Critical, Self-Loathing, Swaggering, Charming, Pathetic.

Luckily we human beings have one quality that the other dumb animals don't: Consciousness. This defines us, and it makes us 100% responsible for ourselves. So if we fuck up, we have nobody else to blame. Or balm.

I'm getting ready to announce a big yoga project I've been cooking up with some other wonderful yoga teacher lady friends of mine.  Basically it's our creative response to the rockstarization and the Walmartization of yoga that has taken place in the past few years, and I'm looking to share some wisdom gleaned from the everyday experiences of picking up toys, resentfully washing dishes, preparing meals, cleaning up the daily poop of so many different species of creatures it's unreal, stealing an asana practice in the middle of it all, dreaming big, living bigger. And being awesome and fucking loving myself more and more all the time...even with a fat belly.

Soon you will know.