Eating Bon Bons All Day Long

Yesterday (Tuesday) was a nice day.

I'm up after midnight, insomniac again. But the day was great.

I unwound from my traumatic weekend and went to get another prenatal massage from the fabulous Liz Quigg. My hips have been ACHING, and of course so has my lower belly. She did a great job on my hips and in clearing out some fear energy. I'd had a tension headache for two days.

I'm glad I was able to snore and drool and relax for a minute.

I also consider LQ an expert on the uterus. She told me some wonderful information about the uterus, how it actually moves and feels when it's doing practice labor surges, and how it contracts and expands during the actual birth. Did you know it has patterns of movement? Like it starts squeezing at the top, moves down, then either sort of ping-pongs across or spirals around to urge the baby out? I love envisioning the uterus as doing her own spiral dancing.

It's that Shakti thing again. The chrysalis inside the cocoon beating its wings.

And by the way, am I the last person on earth to learn about all these cool things? Where have I been?

It reminds me of a fake editorial I saw in "The Onion," written by a 12 year old boy who couldn't believe that everyone had been keeping Bruce Lee a secret from him all these years.

That's how I feel. HOW COULD I HAVE NOT KNOWN ABOUT THE MIGHTY UTERUS ALL THESE YEARS?

And you call yourself a feminist, NeoMystic. A champion of women.

Oy.

Oh, and then after my massage I went and got a pedicure. Yes. And watched "Oprah" while getting it.

ALSO we went to our first "Conscious Birthing" class Monday night. Loved it. Every single mama in the room (I think there were six, including our instructor) is "due" to give birth in October. And all of us (except the instructor) are apparently planning a hospital birth. I was really shocked by that. I thought for sure I'd be the least granola crunch in there, but turns out I may be the most crunchy after all.

At one point during class, we were learning pain-coping techniques...and I found myself clutching a handful of ice while being distracted by Heart's "Barracuda" blasting away on the stereo...it was fun. We also made our own "laborinths," drawings of the labyrinthine process of going through labor. It was actually the perfect metaphor and I LOVE that we're going to be making crazy birth art, creating an altar, and doing all kinds of fun, self-conscious creative work to break through a lot of layers of bullshit.


Okay, friends, I must go and listen to my "Rainbow Relaxation." Ta!

All's Quiet on the Western Front

Okay, so I went to the hospital today.

I was having a tightening sensation in my upper abdomen, and the heaviness in the lower abdomen, and I worried it was pre term labor contractions.

Long story short? I'm fine. They did a fetal fibronectin test on me to check the likelihood that I would go into premature labor...NEGATIVE.

I feel like I've been given a new lease on life!

And now maybe this two-day headache will finally go away.

I'm going to take it EASY this week, though, give myself a chance to rest and enjoy.

Executive Decision

Sadly, I did not ask my doctor today about our travel plans to H-town this weekend.

The whole family was planning a big shindig for us tomorrow. When I told my aunt about my thinning cervix, she begged me to call my doctor to see if it was still okay for me to make a 3 hour drive. So I called the after hours nurse and she said traveling was NOT advisable, unless I had a doctor in Houston who could assume my care. The thought of possbily having contractions in the car really bums me out.

So, SHOWER POSTPONED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

Sigh.

I'm feeling good, though, and I'm really not worried, just would rather be safe than sorry.

We started our Hypnobirthing class last night and loved it. I just listened to the Rainbow Relaxation meditation and it was truly relaxing.

I'm just sad about not getting to see all of my beloved family in one room together tomorrow. Maybe in a couple of weeks?


Stay tuned.

Good News/Bad News

I went back to see my obgyn today.

I skipped out on her yesterday; she was running late, having just delivered a baby, and I was too tired to wait 10 minutes to see her.

But something kept bugging me.

There's been a pain right in the middle of my lower abdomen; it feels like a fist in my bowels. A heaviness. I wore a maternity belt all night last night and all day today, and it did seem to help. But I have been worrying about pre-term labor. (Recall my post about that goddamn doula who told me not to move into a new house because it might bring on pre-term labor? Grrrrrr!)

Long story short, my doctor examined me and my cervix is thin; about 50 % thinner than average. She said it could be normal, I could be fine, but we'll check on it again next week. And if it gets thinner, I'll be put on semi-bedrest.

I have been overdoing it lately, so I'm going to try really resting. Deep soul resting. No more helping out others, time to cocoon and go inside again. That is my intuition.

Oh, and the good news? I passed my glucose tolerance test! With flying colors. Perfect. And my blood work showed that I am nowhere near anemic, that I am incredibly healthy.

So vegetarian pregnant moms, take heart.

In Tolerance

This morning I had to take my glucose tolerance test; or at least the baby version of that longer, fasting exam. If I pass this morning's test, there will be no need to take the fasting test.

I worried over this neurotically; I do not want to have gestational diabetes, and from what many of my friends have said it is OVER-diagnosed. So anyway, I drank down this little bottle of "glucola," which tasted exactly like Sprite, and was maybe even a little less sweet than the Sprite at Taco Cabana.

Part of my neurosis is just plain and simple insomnia. My hips still hurt if I lie on my side for too long -- like an hour, hell if you're trying to sleep -- and my mind just won't slow down. Yes, I do all my yogic work to slow it down. No, it doesn't always help. So I was up at 3 am researching pediatricians, so I'd have at least a name today for my doctor's nurse.

I love my doctor's nurse, Kathy. She is from New Orleans and is quite sassy, thorough, and competent.

So I zeroed in on two pediatricians, Samuel Mirrop, and Michael Bayer. Both featured somewhat prominently on austinmama.com and are taking new patients. I read all those mamas' reviews and comments on everything like that.

I don't really understand the whole immunization thing, but I hope to understand it someday. If you have any insights into that, like into WHY a parent wouldn't want their newborn or baby immunized, please explain to me. Maybe share with me some of your experiences and insights, dear readers. Oh, and circumcision. I don't want Hercules to be circumsized, and I think A is leaning in that direction also. What do you think?

I had to time my Sprite just right, so that I could deal with the pouring rain traffic, get to the office by 930, and have them draw blood precisely one hour from the moment I drank my glucose.

It rained like hell for about 45 minutes this morning, flooding Mopac (one of the freeways that connects North to South Austin) northbound -- it looked like a river as I drove past it, feeling sorry for the miles of backed-up drivers -- and my morning dj's were very unfunny today. I was almost 15 minutes late.

Anyway, my doctor was out delivering a baby this morning. So I had my blood drawn almost immediately (one of my top ten least favorite things to do) and had a great visit with nurse Kathy.

Baby's heartbeat was strong! And he kicked her little doppler device. "Hey! It's Aunt Kathy!" she said. My weight gain is going great. She told me she was totally impressed with how healthy I am and what great care I am taking with Hercules. We are in full-on class-taking mode, which pleased her. She kept saying that the prenatal yoga training I did was also great preparation; her daughter, coincidentally, was in the class with me.

Aside from being tired, and some heaviness in my lower abdomen, all seems well. Of course we'll find out from the battery of tests this morning if I have anemia, or diabetes, or whatever. Since my doctor was out of the office temporarily, I had the option of waiting a few minutes to see her or the nurse-midwife, or of going home. I was soooo tired I opted to go home. And regretted it immediately. Why not get an exam? My terror of miscarriage has been replaced with terror of Pre-Term Labor.

So I called and left a message for Kathy, then passed out for two hours. When I woke, I found that she had called and was willing to squeeze me in today, adding, "I was so hoping you were going to just relax and enjoy your pregnancy!" Since I call her every week with some new fear. Which I will never hesitate to do. And which she always honors, and I appreciate that.

So now I'm going in tomorrow afternoon to get my exam. And why not? I can find out that my cervix is still firm and that I'm nowhere near going into Pre-Term Labor and have a great time at my baby shower this weekend.

So there!

Meanwhile, we start our Hypnobirthing class tonight. I am super excited about it. I've been reading the book, and every time I start reading about Hypnobirthing I feel...so relaxed...so calm...so reassured...it's like I get sleepy...very sleepy...and...so...

You think I'm kidding, but I'm not! I am really into how they have changed the language of childbirth. Instead of "contractions" women have "uterine surges" or rushes. Instead of "effacing" or "dilating" the cervix is "thinning" and "opening." Just stuff like that.

The (Pregnant) Body of Words

My body was made to do this.

A woman's body, like a wave, changes shape when she moves.

There is a kind of gravity that keeps pulling me back to center
as I expand.

My feet, so sore, relish touching the ground. The wet, wormy ground outside. The dry, carpeted inside. My arches have lowered. So I lift my toes.

My body is getting used to this. I can move with baby-consciousness now, marveling at my size and strength as I pull books out of my car, carrying cups of tea out of my car, yoga mats, CD cases, laptop, piles of clothing. I sleep with six pillows. I dream vividly of strangers.

I trust this now.

The scents of the body are so familiar now. There is a milkiness to the skin, a gloss to the hair, a ruddiness to the cheeks. The fingers are plump yet muscular, fingernails naturally curved and strong and long. There are skin tags that itch. A belly button is pulled almost flat. Scar tissue taut across belly. Dark brown nipples, heavy breasts on light ribcage. A fine sweat like mist underneath. Triceps still give definition. Thighs still solid, mama jaguar crouching.

I do think of all the mothers.

All the sons. The fathers.

And we, the daughters.

The makers of the earth. The dreamers at sea. Keepers of the trees and the birds, of all the eggs and seeds. The planet's supple and ready to ripen, all that potential held in like breath or a cloud, darkening and about to drop. Or lightening and spreading thin as paper across the sky, tearing.

I am bathing in this moment. In these times. As a dancer poised at the edge, as a bear in a cave, an instrument in its velvet lined case, a reed longing for the wind.

No one, not even the rain, has such small hands, right?

Too bad Michael Caine's smarmy character in "Hannah and Her Sisters" has sort of ruined that beautiful e.e. cummings line for me.

I love the rain.

I know it's flooding all over the world -- but of course there's no such thing as global warming -- and no less here in Texas, but it's kept the killing heat at bay during most of my pregnancy, and for that I am grateful.

(It's all about me, as usual.)

I encourage all of you to move to higher ground in the next couple of years.

I am experiencing some classic pregnancy symptoms now. Once again, I am shocked and thrilled to be in the third trimester.

Please, feel free to analyze my baby registries and let me know where I am lacking. Or what you think is a waste of money.

I was so paralyzed with fear for most of the first and into the second trimester; I had spotting and cramping and had to go on bedrest several times, and I was afraid I was going to lose the baby. But I didn't. And the pubic symphysis pain as my pelvis opened was almost unbearable at times. I only puked once, but was seasick all day and night until about week 20. I've had insomnia (and exhaustion) pretty much the whole time.

All in all, it has not been too bad!

NOW I'm waking up ravenous -- and yes, I can still eat without gasping for breath -- and seem to be able to eat almost an entire meal without exploding. Although...I did have to choke down the eggs I ate today, whereas yesterday they were absolutely delicious. There's just something so wrong about a pregnant human lady eating a chicken lady's eggs, I think. I am starting to think dairy products in general are not my friend right now.

My gums have been in pretty good shape, no bleeding, at least not until this morning. Pink Sink.

I'm getting the dreaded and mostly feared nasal congestion at times. My ankles and wrists are quite swollen. I'm swelling, what can I say? I took off my wedding rings; I don't want to have to saw them off later. I am still quite short of breath. I have to pant with my mouth open during my yoga practice. And I'm sweating, a glistening Christmas ornament.

My bowel movements are still spectacular. I know; that may change at any minute too. But yes, I do eat a lacto-ovo vegetarian diet. I take prenatals, fish oil (not vegetarian), chinese herbs, emergen-c, and I drink iced red raspberry tea every day. Lots of it. And I've allowed myself cups of green and black tea here and there.

I think starting out healthy before getting pregnant may be a leading indicator of how a pregnancy might go. So even though I'm not doing my daily, hour-long asana practice that I used to do, after 20 years of practice -- and nearly daily, sustained practice for over half that time -- I still feel strong, and I know that all those years of work and love will see me through this.

I'm deep in the middle of finishing up my Prenatal Yoga Teacher Training homework, due August 1st. So I'm revisiting pregnancy physiology and anatomy today, and birth and labor and postnatal bodies. I never go to prenatal classes, and I should. I need to be around pregnant ladies.

I kind of like the idea of sleeping more if I can now, in these next couple of months. Cuz after Hercules arrives, sleep will become a distant and longed-for memory.

I'm So Tired

I don't know if it's from all the housebuying frenzy, the reading last week, or having an all-day yoga teacher training day yesterday or WHUT, but man. I'm exhausted!

It's my third trimester now, and I think I read somewhere it's quite common to be very tired at this time. Well. I AM.

And I woke up this morning RAVENOUS. That has happened a lot less than I thought it would.

Come to think of it, I'm ravenous RIGHT NOW. I've been eating strawberries and figs.

Lord I'm tired.

Yet I actually feel better now than I've felt the entire pregnancy. My pubic bone pain is basically gone, my heartburn is still manageable, I can still move around a lot, and even my hip pain is a little better. I can really feel the baby rolling around in there. When I look down at my belly, I can see where I think his little butt must be; it sticks out!

My aunt is hosting a shower/mother blessing for me in H-town this coming weekend. I'm excited to have many family members present, and some of my H-town friends. My Austin pals are also throwing me a shower/blessing here in August, which is also very exciting. My friend Jennifer has offered to do a belly cast with me. I can't wait!

I didn't really get to celebrate my birthday this year, and I meant to, so maybe having two blessings will make up for it and I'll get to bond with my friends.

I am a big believer in parties and celebrations and rituals that mark birthdays, anniversaries, special times of year or rites of passage.

I will warn everyone now, though.

I'm not big on Thank You notes.

I wish I were, I always have the best intentions to be, and then I just completely get swept away and never get to the sweet formalities.

Does that make me a bad person?

I rarely receive Thank You notes, if that means anything.

We met the inspector at the new house today. It was built in the 50s and has a lot of updating that needs to be done, but seems basically stable. We'll have to call in some repair-types to give us the story, but the husband didn't seem too anxious about it, so that is good.

I really think the owner kept it in pretty good shape all these years.

We'll find out!

It makes me nervous still not knowing where Hercules will be after he's born.


I'm planning on a 1950s "cowboy" theme for his room.

Like something from the Gene Autry museum in Glendale, California. I love that place.

The Dick Monologues: When Good Women Go on Bad Dates

This is the second show we're doing; the first sold out, and this show is on its way to selling out. It was one of the greatest, most fun experiences I have ever had doing a performance! I feel like I met my soulmates, a bunch of wickedly funny and smart women writers.




The Dick Monologues: When Good Women Go on Bad Dates
a one night show at Hyde Park Theater
August 22
7 til 9 p.m.
$10
Featuring:
Your Host: Spike Gillespie with
Diane Fleming, Liz Belile, Sarah Bird, Sara Hickman, Sarah Barnes, Suzi Galletti, Tamara Dwyer, Kristine Kovach, Cristina Shapiro, Marrit Ingman, Rudy Ramirez, Genevieve Van Cleve, Laura Lane, Robin Chotzinoff, and a Very Special Guest.

For ticket info email spike@spikeg.com

Do I Look Fat in This?

Let the Third Trimester begin!

Remind me to tell you all about my boobs and how much I LOVE THEM!!!!

Third Tri's a Charm

Okay, why am I awake at 6 am?

The pain in my pubic bone has decreased dramatically...my stress levels have increased. The baby is quite active at this point. The only pain I can really complain about is the charleyhorse I had the other morning that has left my leg sore. I think it's all the running around I've been doing and the yoga I have not been doing.

Plus I'm just so excited about getting the house shit together. I hope it all works out.

We start our birthing classes next week. We're going to do both Conscious Birthing and Hypnobirthing! I like what I've read about both of them.

At the reading last night I met a lactation consultant who works at the hospital where we plan to give birth.

Just a few weeks ago I was in a prenatal yoga teacher training and there was a labor and delivery nurse taking the class with me who also works at the same hospital.

I don't know if this is the Universe's way of helping me by introducing me to these women or what.

I do know that I liked both of them, a lot. The lactation consultant is particularly hilarious and gave me her card. We can also take classes from her, if we wanna.

I don't know if this is a hormonal thing or not, but I've become way less interested in being pregnant and way more interested in how the hell we are going to care for a newborn.

The list of choices for diapers, for example, is overwhelming.

Cribs.

Bottles and breastfeeding accessories.

Another cool thing about the reading last night: my gynecologist was there! (I hadn't invited her, so she just heard about it through the grapevine...the event was sold out, capacity crowd.)

Now THAT is supportive.

Our House

We did it!

Our offer was accepted, and we may very well be the owners of a great, funky, cool house in Austin very soon.

It is such a relief.

And it's so exciting!

I just got home from my performance in "The Dick Monologues." I can't even believe how much fun that was, and how great ALL of the readers were. It is such a treat to know so many funny, funny women.

I just wolfed down a veggie lasagna after eating almost nothing but protein bars and a Jamba Juice since 430 pm.

I'm wondering if there happens to be another one in the fridge...

Insomniacathon

What the fuh?

Two nights in a row I can't sleep.

We need a place to live.

I'm doing a reading tomorrow night with a bunch of righteous chicks. It's called "The Dick Monologues: When Good Women Go On Bad Dates."

Oh yes, I will let it rip. I will read my old chestnut, "Scorned," and a little piece by author Janet Gray called "I Hate Men."

We did not get the house we put an offer on yesterday. We got outbid. Pricks.

So tonight (yesterday) we put an offer in on another house, below the seller's asking price. We are hoping that he'll want to sell, since it's been on the market for quite a while. We liked the house so much we might even pay his price if he is unwilling to negotiate.

And then, let the home decorating begin!

I would be soooo relieved to know where we'll be living when Tancredo/Hercules is born. We sold our house, and have to be out by the 15th of August. Maybe sooner.

This house we want to buy is very fifties, still has a lot of the old tile and wood. I LOVE fifties architecture.

So let's pray for good house karma!

And if I could stop decorating the living room in my mind perhaps I could catch some sleep before the big day tomorrow, where I teach a class, buy a house (or not), and do a reading.

P.S. Babe's a kickin'! I think he kind of enjoys all the fuss. He was really jumping around when we went to see the new Harry Potter movie this weekend. It is quite loud.

Look Ma, No Hands!

Okay, people.Things have been a little ROLLERCOASTERY since Sunday.


We sold our house in less than 24 hours.

Absolutely amazing.

And totally terrifying.

Our nice, safe, clean, big and bright suburban home...SOLD.

That was Sunday.

Today, Monday, we put an offer on what we hope will become our New House.

In urban, central, smaller-but-cuter and waaaaay more expensive houses North Austin.

We think we may have found a deal; our realtor happened upon a listing that hadn't even made it to the public yet, brought it with her this evening at 5 pm along with a bunch of other listings to show us while we looked at houses.

Long story short? We loved this one house...and so did the other guy who walked in to see it just as we were leaving. We tried to pretend we didn't like it.

And then we faxed our offer to the realtor, found out that the guy had also put in an offer, and spent the rest of our evening negotiating a deal that we hope will win us the house. It's a bloodsport, this househunting game.

We'll find out tomorrow.

Oh, and the book publisher I gave my proposal to a month ago?

Interested.

So now we wait and see.

Thursday Into Saturday

Whew.

Busy!

It's 1 am on Saturday morning, and I still have a ton of work to do to get the house on the market. We now have a lockbox on the front door and a For Sale sign in the yard. People could start calling us early tomorrow to come look at our house. And there's still so much cleaning and clearing out to do.

I had a panic attack earlier today, thinking that the baby had stopped moving. I just hadn't felt him all day, and he certainly wasn't as active as he's been the past week or so.

My doc told me to

1) pee
2) eat a little snack
3) drink a glass of ice cold something-sugary
4) lie down, undistracted, for 20 minutes and focus on feeling the baby

So I did.

And within five minutes he was rolling around again. And I felt him roll around a LOT in 20 minutes. What a relief!

Because of course I'd gone online and found EXACTLY the scenario I was dreading: a woman who, at 27 weeks, thought her baby had stopped moving...and it turned out to be true. The baby had died.

I was so afraid I'd killed Hercules by sleeping on my right side (my left hip hurts) and/or taking hot baths and showers. Or by overworking to get the house ready.

But you know, I think he's okay.

I also taught yoga today. My students wanted MORE therapeutics, after Wednesday's class, which was all about the shoulders and opening up all parts of the spine, especially the lower back. They were sore and they were happy about it. So that is what we did today. It requires a little more maturity and focus for students to be able to take in what is offered. But they were really drinking it in.

This is great, because since I'm not massaging right now I get to put my hands on my yoga students. I think Anusara is a fantastically therapeutic method, and this aspect of it gets a little overlooked at times. My teacher Mary was UNREAL, she was so tuned in to how to help people clear their pain for good. It was the combination of her intuition and ability and the alignment principles....brilliant. I feel like the week intensive I spent studying therapeutics with John has served me more than any other yoga workshop I have ever taken.

I plan to continue this study.

Now I need to try to rest. My dad is in town this weekend -- yay! quel surprise! -- and we are taking him to see the new Harry Potter movie tomorrow at the Alamo Drafthouse. Should be a LOT of fun. We met up with him and my brother and sis-in-law and ate at El Patio, which is an old school Tex Mex family-run place near campus. We all ended up talking til late...then it was a mad dash to the store to get cleaning supplies and flowers.

Life is good.

Transition and Integration

I realized yesterday that I am now 26 weeks pregnant...which means my third trimester starts in two weeks!

Yikes!

How did that happen?

They say you can't be "just a little bit pregnant," but I dunno. I feel like I'm getting just a "little more" pregnant every day!

My belly, she is big. I'm still wearing my yoga clothes. But I'm down to like the last couple of tank tops that can still cover (most of) my tummy.

The boy is very active. His movements still feel like punches, and perhaps somersaults. From what I've read, his eyes are now able to open and close and blink. How cool is that?

My asana practice is so very different these days.

(I got an awesome massage from Liz Quigg again yesterday; it's nearly the cure for my hip pain!)

So anyway, in practice today I worked on:

Handstand in L-pose at the wall (not full handstand, for those of you who are concerned about that) but with feet up the wall and hands on the floor. It feels GREAT on the low back and strengthens the arms.

Standing poses at the wall for support through the back heel; this was revelatory today. there is way in which we do our standing poses that tends to pop the back hip out of socket and overextend the shoulders. So I really played with trikonasana and parsvakonasana without doing that. Also prasarita padottanasana. Also utkatasana with a block between the thighs and arms up in cactus pose.

Then I did a bunch of deep, inner body twists, which open the spine and abdomen UP.

And some hip flexor release, which felt AWESOME. I did agnistambasana with a block under the shin of the top leg.....drool, drool, hip release.

Then setu bhandasana with block between thighs and elbows bent, rolling up the spine and back down it again. Yummy!

I basically gave this practice to my students today. I had about half new students, and a couple of back injuries. The above work happens to also be fantastic for therapy on the low back. Anytime you fully engage the legs, get them to work, it frees up the back.

So the idea is that you need to stabilize and draw INWARD, toward that which is unwavering and eternal, in order to integrate the body parts in the poses so you can open more deeply. There is also a way to transition between poses that keeps the steadiness and flow you have cultivated throughout without getting knocked off your center.

And so it is in life.

Transition was on my mind this morning, and how hard it is to keep steady when we're in it.

We have contractors working on our house right now, which is always awesome and difficult; we're camping out in our own home, since our kitchen and one of the bathrooms is out of commission for a few days.

These guys are artisans. They are kind, and unobtrusive, and the work they're doing is really great.

It's hard to be off your normal routine. It's hard to watch the body make such dramatic changes on a daily basis.

A woman's body is like a wave. It changes and shifts while she moves.

So I did a google search on my name and was shocked to find it associated with this blog, and with my "pseudonym" that I like to use for privacy on blogger.

I can't figure out how this happened, but I am thinking of requiring my readers to be members only, if that will fix the problem.

I'm SO FUCKING PISSED OFF AT GOOGLE!!!!!!

I know many of you already know who I am, but why should ex-boyfriends or stalkers be able to google my name and have instant access to my personal pregnancy blog?

Is this because I'm also using feedburner? I'm trying to trace the connection that actually positions my name on a search engine as associated with my "secret" profile on blogger.

I Know You're Out There

So real quick...

I analyze my stats and your visits (I know who you are!) and I just found that someone used the search term "yoga pee" to get to my site.

I am dying of curiosity to know what led them to seek out "yoga pee" and if they found resolution by reading my blog.

Don't hesitate to write me personally if you have a question about yoga, or pee, or poo, or pregnancy, or fertility.

Weekend Update

Okay.

So I wrote this looooong blog entry about having seen "Sicko" over the weekend, and about American Greed, SUVs, and how compassionless our society has become.

I really *loathe* SUVs and see no reason for someone who isn't a farmer to drive one.

But some of my favorite, most loved people -- who also read this blog -- drive an SUV, and I decided to save the post in draft form and sleep on it.

I am no less angry than I was yesterday, but I think I'll post this instead.

That was Friday and Saturday.

We also bought enough tile to re-do our kitchen and both bathrooms. I just got home from a long day out, and it already looks FABULOUS.

It feels so grown up to pick out tile, grout, and mortar.

I'm having a day of trying to look at things from the perspective of "What do we have in common? Where is it that we align?" Rather than "How are we different? Where do we have totally opposite values and paradigms?"

It's a great practice.

Try it on your neighbors, then your family, then on yourself.

Mini Update

My mom sent me the sweetest emails last night and today.

She is going through some tough times right now.

Godspeed, Ma!

I'm still feeling emotional, but it's getting better. Got my laptop hooked up on wireless so I can wander around the house with it and work from anywhere I want. Yay Andrew, my IT guy.

I'm experimenting with keeping the television off and have put some soothing yogic music on instead. It's very nice.

And tonight I'm cooking up vegetarian soul food. I'm pretty good at it, ya'll. We'll have navy beans with cayenne and onion, turnip greens and turnip bits, and somethin' else. Cornbread? Rice? Mmmm, those beans cooking in the kitchen sure smell good. And they're gonna keep smelling good for another 45 minutes.

I make a delicious okra and tomatoes dish with FAKE bacon.



Jai ma.

Stop Being Tho Thenthitive

After a little walk around our FIREWORKS MAD neighborhood with our chihuahua (who was absolutely unfazed by all the explosions.) this evening, we came home for a snack and some relaxin' and I called my mom.

Big mistake.

She knows how to hurt my feelings without even trying.

She's staying with my grandmother in Louisiana, so they were both talking to me at once.

I was hurt because she seemed shocked when I told her how much I weighed. My doctor hasn't even blinked at my weight gain. And I still feel and look pretty damn good. My mom was asking if I had gestational diabetes, etc. And my grandmother LOST weight during her pregnancies. So it was kind of annoying that they would have comments on it. (Keep in mind that my body/weight/health/looks has always been an obsession with them. Ironically I am probably the healthiest individual in our family.)

I think it also hurts because my mom has only seen me once since I got pregnant, and she was expressing her desire to see me now but saying that she couldn't...

I wish my mom were more part of this process. But she isn't. She is staying with my grandmother, who does need assistance, but it is to the exclusion of being part of MY life and of HERCULES'S life. At least at the moment. It's such a difficult thing for her, I imagine, to have to juggle between trying to find grounding in the midst of the END of her mother's life and the BEGINNING of her grandson's life.

My aunt is throwing a family baby shower/mama blessing for me in a couple of weeks in Houston. I hope my mom and my grandmother can make it.

They seem to be a lot more concerned with the babies who have been born to my much younger cousins these past couple of years than about my upcoming baby.

I just need to feel SPECIAL, is all.

They also seem disappointed that Hercules is not a girl. They keep asking me if I'm SURE he's a boy. Uh, YES. I am sure.

I never knew that I, a fully therapized and yoga-ized liberated woman, could feel this sad about my mother's and grandmother's thoughts and feelings about me having a baby.

It's such a blessing that I have my mom and my grandmother still alive and able to be part of my life, and my baby's life. If they choose to be.

I was very, very close to ALL of my grandparents all of my life, and I still have both grandmothers. I am scared that everyone will die before Hercules gets here. It's not rational, but then what's so great about rationality anyway?

I'll tell you what is really cool. My dad is ecstatic about Hercules.

Tuesday Morning Coming Down

After a restless night of hip pain and heartburn -- really, could it have been the migas at noon? -- I slept in somewhat, and packed up my laptop to go do some work at my favorite (well, convenient) little nearby coffee shop.

I waited around to get clarification on a writing assignment, which I finally got, and I meanwhile began the arduous process of completing my homework from the Prenatal Yoga Teacher Training I did a couple weeks ago.

It's great to revisit this material; I am inspired to teach prenatal!

I ended up going to three different coffee joints before I was finally able to settle in one place. My requirements for a great working environment in a coffee joint:

--ice cold air conditioning
--cushioned or comfy seating
--table to myself
--unobtrusive music (believe it or not, this does NOT include "smooth jazz")
--quiet patrons
--patrons who are not discussing religion, politics, or childraising that I strongly disagree with in loud voices
--clean bathroom
--non-caffeinated beverages
--ample parking

This is why one of my (very near) future projects includes becoming a partner in a co-working space here in Austin.

Why is it so hard to find decent coffee AND decent food all in one place here in Austin? Not that I'm drinking coffee right now, but I do get a little weary of scones, quiche, and even croissants.

Monday Dreamin'

Yesterday blew me out.

I co-taught a class, "Teaching to Beginners," with Genevieve, a sweet soul and intriguing Sanskrit scholar. It was really, really challenging. The students were pretty unruly, acting out in some crazy adolescent manner.

I'm still processing it.

So today I took it easy, having lunch with Donna, who is going to Italy in just a few days, and mellowing out at home. The rain keeps coming.

There was a woman in teacher training this weekend who claimed to have a stomach flu; I don't know if I caught it or what, but my throat is INCREDIBLY sore.

Oh wait, throat.

She said "stomach."

I'm feeling achey all over.

Lord, please don't let me get sick!

Om Namah Shivayah.

I just got a writing assignment a few minutes ago, so I will probably tend to that either tonight or first thing tomorrow.

After the unruly class, I came home and read Jenny McCarthy's Belly Laughs in one sitting.

And that sitting lasted about 15 minutes.

It's a light read.

Nothing new there.

She's kind of funny, I guess.

To be honest I was a little disappointed. I think she's cute and I expected more.

It's an interesting study in what happens when a sort of shallow celebrity type goes through pregnancy. There are all the usual jokes about cellulite, sex drive, weight gain, maternity clothes. Yawn. Her chapter on industrial strength deathscented farting was amusing, I will admit.

Her problems with constipation were the most compelling part of the book for me. She actually went two weeks without dropping the kids off at the pool and had to have fecal material surgically removed.

I will never complain about missing a day again. And that's in my NORMAL, unpregnant life.

As I've mentioned earlier in this blog, my pregnancy poops have been FANTASTIC. I am eating well and drinking lots and lots of fluids. Maybe that's it. And no caffeine.

On a positive note, Belly Laughs does help to clear out some of the negativity you get in all those other pregnancy books. I do want to know what can go wrong, and what symptoms to look for, but instead of reading only about THAT when I turn to "what happens during Week 25" in my preggers books, I'd like to see more of all the miraculous changes that are happening in both my body and in my baby's body.

Andrew and I were reading "What to Expect" and "Your Pregnancy Week by Week" last night and started laughing at what a BUMMER they are. It's like having Debbie Downer come with you to the obgyn's office and freak you out as you wait.

I guess I must be in the positive phase.

Yippee!