Bodhi Foot

23 inches long at birth
9 pounds 15 ounces
his feet are about 4 centimeters long and grip like fingers and taste divine

Baby Bodhi Pix

My Angel

What's it like to be brand new?

On Being Human

Wow, beloveds.

Amazing what a hot bath will do for a girl.

I went into the hospital a pregnant lady and I came out a Mom.

I went into the hospital while it was still summer and I came out and it was fall.

Breastfeeding = challenging. But I know it will be worth it.

The word for the day? For the week? TRANSFORMATION.

Little Andrew Bodhi is even more beautiful than I ever imagined. And his father is the most amazing man I have ever seen. I love him more than ever.

Thanks to all the angels who have been bringing us food, sympathy, love and friendship. And to my awesome lactation consultants Dawn and Beverly.

I was taking that hot bath tonight and scanned my tummy to see something I haven't seen in a long while: my belly button. She's back.

You are all in my thoughts and I appreciate the Love you send.

More to come.

If you want to bring us food please contact Jennifer -- jlulina at gmail dot com

And if you do come by please don't be offended if we're unable to really visit with you. I know everyone wants to see the baby, and you will have your chance soon...I'm hoping to get him through these first 6 weeks alive without catching any colds or flus or other illnesses that we were warned to vaccinate against but chose not to. Being a mom = paranoia.

Born To Be Absolutely Wild

Beloveds:

Just a quick note. Many of you know already that Andrew Bodhi was born Monday evening, October 22, after nearly 70 hours of what can only be described as a transformational labor and delivery and birth experience.

I will write the story soon. And post pictures. He has dark dark hair and eyes and incredibly expressive hands and feet. We are all madly in love.

He is exquisite in every way to us. He weighed 9 pounds 15 ounces and was 23 inches long at birth. Mama, Papa, and Baby (and Grandma) are all resting (trying) and recovering at home.

Please give us our space for now; stay tuned for very sporadic updates. And cute pics!

Let the Birth Show Begin

At midnight last night I dragged Andrew to the gym again to ride the treadmill for a good 20-30 minutes. We came home and both of us thought we were getting sick. When I woke at 430 I was in a big sweat.

I got up to pee and was having a fairly intense contraction/surge in my lower abdomen. In the bathroom, I discovered my Birth Show. (google that term, along with Hypnobirthing) So exciting!!!

So the labor officially begins.

We are going for a long, luxurious, all-day sleep/eat/drink fluids/labor-a-thon. So far I've managed to wake up every two hours, have a really intense surge or 2, or 3 or 4, (like about every 10 minutes or so) check the progress of my Birth Show, and somehow go back to sleep.

The sensations are QUITE intense, and they are getting more so as we go. I've spent a lot of time with a hot shower pointed at my low back -- sweet relief! -- and in bed, breathing deep deep deep into every surge.

It has never felt better to exhale. WOW, what a fantastic feeling THAT is!

Meanwhile, we've called our family members in Houston in case anyone

---hello! that was a good one! ay yi yi! --

wants to rent a hotel room for the next night or two

I am calling my acupuncturist in an hour or so to come over with her TENS unit and needles and expertise in managing the labor points, and we'll call our doula to come when the surges reach 5 minutes apart, last 1 minute long each, and are like that for an hour.

I haven't begun walking around to "get things moving" -- I'm lying down and really merging my breath with the surges. It may take longer to "get things moving," but I feel that each surge produces lot of endorphins, and I want as much of that in my system as possible.

This is what we want: to labor at home for as long and quietly as possible, then when we hit that 5 1 1 mark have our doula come over, see if we need to get ourselves to the hospital, and spend a little while in the hospital with everyone in the waiting room until Hercules makes his debut!

I'm really pleased that he chose to come now so that we didn't have to do a "medical induction." I think it's going to be a better birth experience for him, and I know it will be for me. Of course we're still open to whatever happens.

The sensations not what I thought they'd be like, exactly; they are more like super hardcore intense menstrual cramps than anything else. I thought they'd be more like the Braxton Hicks, tightening and gripping, toning that uterine muscle. But instead they are more like expanding than contracting, much more. I can feel the top of my uterus drawing up and putting the squeeze on the cervix, which responds by opening even more.

My water hasn't released yet, which is great.

You guys know me; I want to take my time here.

We'll see what Hercules has planned.

For those of you who requested a call, you'll get one once we've decided to leave the house.

I can already feel myself having shifted into another world, into Laborland.

If I'm able I will post another blog entry. If not, the next time you check here you will hopefully get to see a picture of Hercules in his full, newborn glory!

Fast Update

Well, we went to the obgyn first thing this morning as part of our deal to keep tabs on baby while we "wait" on inducing labor.

We got great news all around!

Baby fared very well on his nonstress test, and they registered a number of contractions as well. Everyone in the office was whooping and hollerin' for us.

My ob came in and examined me and said that I am 75% effaced and about 1 cm dilated!!!!

I can't even tell you how fantastic this news was for us. I've been so jealous of all my pregnant mama friends who have been dilated for weeks or whatever. Not that it means much, except that Hercules is making his descent!

It's like waiting for a loved one to return from a long trip overseas...and the boards keep reading "flight delayed" or they're circling, and you're waiting, just waiting...

I've been having contractions...no wait, let's start calling them SURGES, today again. I only slept about 3 hours last night, so I'm now going straight to bed.

We expect baby boy to make his way to the gate this weekend.

Our doctor even said to us today, "It looks like you made the right choice in waiting." NO SHIT! YAY!


Stay tuned.

Overdue

It sounds more like a library book than a baby.

Hercules is enjoying himself a little too much in mama's womb; who can blame him?

We managed to postpone the induction until next week. (My goal is to NOT have one.) Meanwhile I am getting some kickass massage, acupuncture, and feeling a lot of intense practice contractions for a few hours every night.

My mom drove in last night and is staying with us. It's kind of fun having her around.

It feels like we are as ready as we'll ever be, and now it's just all God. Or something like that.

For "natural induction" I'm walking more, getting those treatments I mentioned, and just really connecting with this being who lives inside me. Really connecting my uterus to my pelvis to my hips to my legs to the earth. It feels good. Drinking raspberry and nettle tea. Breathing deeply and satisfyingly. Sleeping as much as I can. Putting my toes and fingers in the grass. Eating spicy foods, just not Thai papaya salad.

Listening to my relaxation CDs.

Driving around in my Prius, scoffing at all the SUV drivers.

My astrologer friend says today is the day.

Well.

We'll just have to see now, won't we?

Wednesday Update

Just got back from another acupuncture treatment; baby really seems to enjoy them!

I've been driving around in my new (used) Prius and it is SUCH a blast!

I woke up this morning feeling so much better than when I went to bed last night. (Of course I was awake from 2-5 am, and chose to eat a ton of salsa while I watched bad TV, which I feel was very productive.) I started having tightening and contracting again, which was at its peak around 8 am this morning. I wake up with my uterus tight as a football.

The baby is moving around a lot. I can't tell if he's dropping any lower, but we are doing all we can to entice him down the birth canal.

So we decided that instead of going into the hospital tonight to begin the induction process that we would wait, go into the doc's office every couple of days to do a nonstress (aka a stress) test to make sure baby is still moving well and alive, and hope that he decides to start labor on his own.

My intuition is strongly telling me that this will be okay. And it will be okay, no matter what. We will see our doctor again this afternoon, and she may again try to persuade us to induce, and we may weaken again, but generally I'm feeling that all is right and well with the world, and instead of moping around all sad and fearful I'm going to TRUST that this is the right thing.

Further Update

Lord I am so tired!

Basically, my doctor was really cool about the induction. We have more options than ever now.

So we have not made any decisions yet. Just know that mama, papa, and baby are all currently very healthy, though not in hard labor, and we appreciate all the good thoughts coming our way.

And I got yet another acupuncture treatment today, will have another tomorrow.

Love the weather. Love it.

Ultra Update

Just got back from my ultrasound.

Baby looks great; plenty of movement, big feet, good diaphragm/practice breathing, head down, lower in pelvis, etc. Placenta? Great. Amniotic fluid? Perfect. Heartbeat? Perfect.

Now I am going in for a long nap. Still feel the sensations in my low back and belly, am hoping for a long early labor and not a PHONY FALSE labor.

Sigh. Update after doctor's appt this afternoon.

Open for Biz

I opened the blog back up because so many people were having trouble accessing it.

I've been up since 2 am with cramping, tightening, surging...could just be early false labor, could be the start of something. I've tried to rest, I've tried to relieve it...nothing really quite works. Bring it on.

No waters releasing, no birthy show.

Just keep your eyes peeled and we'll post a notice here, or if you requested an email from Andrew, check your inbox.

So exciting! I have an 8 am ultrasound, and a 1245 appt with my doctor. I guess we'll know more soon?

The Magic Power of Yoga

I just got home from a later-evening prenatal class with Dawn.

Thank Shiva!!

Here is my joy. It's remembering the breath. It's opening and expanding with each inhale, being Shakti Herself. It's being surrounded by beauty, and pregnant moms to be as well as moms to be already, hearing what everyone is going through on this wild ride. It's hearing all the great news about how there are millions of ways to give birth, that we have been doing this together for a LONG TIME, that no matter what, little Hercules will be born any day now.

I also know that this earthly plane is a paradise. I never take that for granted.

I'm grateful to my beloved friends for their strength and support. I'm grateful that I don't have to be invincible at all times, or all-knowing, or the perfect yogini or the perfect woman.

I'm grateful remembering that it's all Shakti. That I am perfect and whole, JUST AS I AM. That this fear is merely a state of contraction, of being closed up like a fist, and that the expansion will begin and I will open again and flood the world with my light. (And various fluids from my body, yo.)

And then I'll see.

I got an email from a friend who is a yogini and also an L&D nurse at Seton. She saw that I was scheduled for induction this week, and she had great words of support and excitement for me. She offered to send one of her friends to take care of me, since she was not going to be there.

I felt so gladdened by this. Just knowing there is love for me out there, that there is the support I need, that someone is really watching out for me and caring.

I told her we may or may not be there. And we may or may not.

But no matter what, once again, LOVE is stronger than any other force in the universe. And God works in mysterious ways, sending emails from Melissa or Ruth, or comments from Jen and Ravyn. I am listening. Hooray!

The Daily Grinder

Ugh.

Just feeling so down. To quote Lucinda Williams: "You took my joy and I want it back!"

Ultrasound first thing tomorrow, then a visit to talk about the induction with my doctor later in the day. I have a million questions. First one: "WHAT THE FUCK?"

Another intensive labor-induction treatment with acupuncturist today; it just seems like the baby is in the same spot, getting bigger but not dropping down any lower, and the Braxton Hicks are about the same. As in NOTHING SEEMS TO BE CHANGING.

I really would not give a damn if the seed had not been planted that by going over the due date I was asking for all kinds of trouble. There is actually evidence that this could be the case; I really don't want to risk the baby's life, or my life.

So I'm back in the place of fear, and feeling out of control, and it sucks ass. One step, one day, one breath at a time.

I actually have a whole lot of options at this point, including doing nothing at all.

Meanwhile I'll continue with the acupuncture, the massages, the ecstatic prostaglandin and oxytocin production via nipple stimulation etc, walking, praying, laughing, eating spicy food, EPO, pineapple, castor oil, enemas, whatever it takes, all that stuff.

If only Hercules would think to himself, "I am just about cooked! These people seem pretty nice; think I'll start that oxytocin flowin'."

In other news, we're leaving the house in about 5 minutes to go pick up the new car we just bought: a 2005 Prius!

Mama Bear Cave

I'm trying to relax now.

PLEASE don't take it personally if I don't call you back or if my emails back to you are short; many people are contacting me asking how I am, if we've given birth yet, etc. I just don't have the energy to talk on the phone...and you will certainly be notified here on this blog or by email when the baby is born.

Most of all I'm going into my Mama Bear Cave, a little melancholy, a little depressed, a little bit needing to be alone with my body and my soul.

I kind of freaked out on Friday, thinking about what my doctor's partner said to me on Thursday when I went in for my weekly series of tests: "You'd hate to lose the baby now after all this time, wouldn't you?" She was warning me that over-40 moms have higher rates of stillborn when they go over their Due Date, and she was pressuring me to schedule an induction next week.

I didn't respond to this until Friday, when I woke up in a cold sweat, feeling suddenly out of control of my son's birth and my own desires for a natural labor and delivery, and listened to my doctor's nurse's voice on my voicemail, telling me they had already scheduled the induction for me.

Noooooooo!

I went to yoga class, got a long nurturing massage, acupuncture, and have been in close contact with my doula and my hypnobirthing instructor. There is no medical evidence to suggest a higher rate for stillborn in over-40 moms, according to hypno teacher. And if we can negotiate it with my doctor, we can stretch out the testing for up to a week after his due date, and try to avoid having to induce.

It's not the worst thing in the world to have to medically induce labor, but I would hate to do it if it is not necessary; ie, if my baby is going to induce his own labor. The medical induction can lead to a cesarean pretty quickly, since it may not work at all, at which point they have no choice but to do a c-birth.

So I'm also making my peace with a c-birth, which is still a spiritual and sacred form of birth. Thank the gods for cesareans; I might not have many of my beloved friends or their children surrounding me if they weren't available!

I am feeling quite crampy today, and I just keep on drinking my raspberry and nettle tea. Plus, get this: I have been WALKING. Yes. It's killing my pubic bone, but if it helps Hercules make his descent, by God I'll do it. And I can always come home and bounce on my birth ball, which relieves a lot of the pain.

Change in the Weather

Beloveds,

I changed my privacy settings so that only people who really want to read my blog can access it.

I found that there are some pregnancy fetishists out there who search for pictures and video of preggers ladies to add to their collection of jackoff material, and I just decided, at this late date, that I really don't feel like adding to that right now.

I know, it's ironic, that Fearless Feminist Pornographer would take that stand, but I'm just so vulnerable at the moment. Maybe I'll switch back to a public blog soon; I do like it that older moms and yoga moms can find me.

And speaking of self-induced ecstasy, I've been generating quite a bit of oxytocin this last week.

I've made it my mission to RELAX myself as baby as much as possible these last few days of being pregnant.

And in the morning, as well as at night, there's a cool crispness to the air that tells me Fall is here.

Some Information

People have been asking about our birth choices.

Here are the specs:

Dr. Diana Weihs, ObGyn, of Women Partners in Health

Delivering at Seton Central Hospital

Birth being attended by Dawn Martin, doula and lactation consultant

as well as

Sarai Stapleton, acupuncturist


We are delivering at the hospital partly because of my age (it is rare that a birthing center or midwife will accept a client my age) but mostly to have emergency equipment on hand if it is needed. We are planning a natural, drug-free birth with minimal intervention. We are hoping that it will be a Hypnobirth. A conscious birth at the very least.

We are aware that it is going to be what it wants to be, and that any birth is a sacred, spiritual event no matter how many machines are hooked up to the mom and baby.

I'm hoping someday that Austin will have as progressive a birthing community and hospital scene as Portland, Oregon. If Seton allowed waterbirths, I would be doing that.

I feel that we are going to have the best of all possible worlds with our doula and our hospital.

Our pediatrician is Dr. Michael Bayer. We chose him for many reasons, not the least of which is that he is very laid back about vaccination.

We are not going to have our son circumsized.

We plan to cloth diaper.

We plan to breastfeed. I hope to be able to breastfeed for at least a year or two.

I plan to go back to teaching in January. Yes, I hope to teach pre and post natal as well as "regular" classes. I can't wait to incorporate Anusara principles into pre and post natal yoga.

I don't know when I'll start my massage practice up again. I'm thinking I will study prenatal bodywork, and start working with my acupuncturist to help women who are trying to get pregnant, and help women who are trying to get pregnant to personalize their yoga practice for maximum fertility and joy.

Mercury Retrograde Baby

Well, it looks like good news for little Hercules.


"There are people who never seem to be affected during Mercury retrogrades. Chances are they were born during one! Millions of people are. How do these weeks affect them? Well, Mercury retrograde babies thrive. Things appear easier for them and run smoothly. They get the new job, start building the new house, and travel to fun-filled destinations. If you’re one of these people, you’ll have the edge on everyone else!"

also:

"Finally, what about people born with Mercury retrograde? If you are due to give birth to a baby during this period, don't fret. The ancients felt that this aspect lends a more philosophical tone to the character. Mercury rules thinking, therefore an individual born with this aspect tends to reflect deeply over events and issues throughout their lifetimes. In this case, having this aspect could be a big plus!"

ObGyn Report

So I'm going in every week to do a biophysical profile of the baby via ultrasound, followed by an exam of my cervix, followed by a non-stress test on the baby.

Now I can see how and why some women consider these tests invasive. I'm still trying to enjoy them, but I can feel the pressure building on artificially inducing labor, which I do not want to do.

Every week the results are very good. The baby has dropped down deeper in the pelvis, he's head down, butt up, he still kicks around a lot, there's plenty of amniotic fluid left, placenta looks great, my cervix is soft but not dilated, I have gained no more weight, baby's NST is awesome.

Based on the ultrasound, they think he weighs about 8 pounds 15 ounces...give or take a pound in either direction.

I can feel him pressing down lower into my pelvis. It's very heavy. More pee pee. More often.

Luckily the office was so busy today my question about getting a flu shot got lost in the shuffle. I take that as a sign from God that I am not meant to have one.

They mentioned induction again today; his due date is next Tuesday. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT ALREADY! Dang. I understand why MDs get concerned about "over 40 moms." But there really doesn't need to be this culture of fear around it. I know, and you know, that they're not gonna make me do anything I don't want to do, but come on man.

Meanwhile, I am going to do everything I know how to do to let him know we are READY. More acupuncture, more raspberry and nettle tea, another massage of the forbidden points, and most of all RELAXATION. Nothing lets a cervix know she's okay and can just go ahead and let go and open like taking it nice and easy.

It's interesting that now Mercury is going into retrograde. My astrologer friend always assures me (a Gemini, ruled by Mercury) that it's really just a signal to take it easier, slower, and go even deeper into self-reflection. Mercury is the planet that governs communications. So many times there are mixups, miscommunications, computers going down...

I know that it's futile to try to sign contracts, for example.

But I don't know what it means to be born during Mercury retrograde. Perhaps it'll be a good thing for Hercules, given his Mercurial mother who tends to make snap decisions and say things before she should. Maybe it'll mean he's going to be a deep thinker and feeler.

Now if you'll excuse me I need to go have a heart to heart talk with my cervix. If everyone could just visualize those rose petals opening...

The Pit Remains in the Olive

Plenty of practice contractions last night, but no baby yet.

I went into a mini-frenzy of packing for the hospital and rounding up all the stuff I want to bring with us: snacks, books, pillows, music, artwork, my Ganesha lunchbox and my Ganesha statue.

Friend Jessica called and left me a voicemail saying she had a dream about me, that I gave birth to our baby through intense focus and devotion, and that I sprouted wings! She said it was fantastic. I love that image; in a way, it's like I am laying an egg.

I went to Alice's prenatal class this morning, despite much resistance since I didn't sleep much again last night, and I'm so glad I went. I've been surprised lately at how much I can do in class, without harming or pushing myself. Today I really felt that the 37-weeks pregnant lady next to me was the one holding me up. And it made me realize that probably, in labor, I am going to have to let go of being the Strong One and let someone else hold me up for a time.

Full Report from ObGyn office later today.

So if Mercury has now gone into retrograde, what will that mean for this labor and birth?

39 WEEKS, PEOPLE!!!!!

Never in my wildest dreams did I dream I would ever get here.

We've kept a journal for the baby that starts waaaaay back in January when he was just a faint second stripe on a pregnancy test strip. When he was just rising levels of HCG and that little embryo that started making me queasy the minute he took hold.

I used to pray -- I guess that's what you would call it -- to the universe to send me a soul that wanted to be surrounded by yogis and martial artists, by two parents who really do try hard to work on themselves and at unraveling the great mystery of how to live well.

I'm feeling very contemplative and old.

And exhausted in the middle of the night again.

But hey, it really is all okay.

Unpacking has been equal parts getting rid of stuff and reminiscing.

I have had a juicy, full, rich and textured life.

I plan to continue to do so. It's just that it's been pretty damn good so far.

I would never have guessed that, at age 39, I would meet the man of my dreams, marry him a couple years later, then start a family with him. It was something I wanted, something I never really believed I could have. But I really wanted it on my terms, and not the terms of what the world usually has to offer.

I really wanted a partner, a strong man with a tender heart and an infinite capacity for kindness. What I got, and what I didn't know I wanted, was a man with emotional maturity.

That is the phrase that comes to mind: Emotional Maturity.

I am not sure how one acquires such a thing, but I am pretty sure that about 90% of American males lack in it.

I married a Feminist Man.

By that, I mean a man who truly loves and respects women. Strong women. Angry women. Smart women. I did not hide any of these things from him ever. And he liked that I was strong, angry, and smart. And that I was willing to fuck up and admit it.

I don't know how it happened, except perhaps through the power of Grace.

And my filtering system.

But my DH (as all the lady forums call their Dear Husbands) is pretty much perfect for me.

So I'm thinking that Hercules is going to either end up spending the later years of his life in daily therapy, or somewhat happy and well-adjusted.

When I asked Andrew what he hoped for for our baby, he said he wanted him to be happy, to be comfortable in his own skin, to feel welcome anywhere and to be content. I would like that too. We talked about how we would try our best to be adults so he can just go ahead and be a child. We don't want him to feel responsible for us in any way; we want him to enjoy his job, which will be to play and have fun and to taste the great bliss of life.

And if not, we can hire him out as a baby model, then a child actor, and have a little Justin Timberlake in the making who will become a superstar entertainer that buys all of us mansions and cars and health insurance for the rest of our lives.

Celebrity Sightings

Celebrity sightings in Austin have been much fewer and further between than the days when I lived in LA, but they do happen.

Yesterday at IKEA I saw a sullen Fred Cantu, tv news anchor, pushing around a cart of cheap rugs and organizer boxes. He was taller than I thought he'd be.

A couple weeks ago I saw another news anchor, Tyler Sieswerda, at Sun Harvest. He was much chunkier than I thought he'd be.

And last year Andrew and I saw Judy Maggio, YET ANOTHER NEWS ANCHOR, at EZ Burger.

Perhaps not as exciting as Brad Pitt, whom I used to see all the time in LA, or Tim Roth, or my pal Mink Stole, but what the heck.

Shot or No Shot?

My obgyn really wants me to get a flu shot before the baby is born. I'm 39 weeks now and he could come at any minute.

The majority of research I find online is either very pro-shot, or very anti-shot. I can't find any compelling evidence to suggest either way.

Anyone else contemplating this, or do this already?

I know to avoid thimerosol, and that would be the least of my demands.

I caught the flu for the first time in like 30 years just a couple years ago and it SUCKED ASS BIG TIME. So I wouldn't want to get it again, or subject my baby to catching it after he's born.

What to do?

Pregnant Celebrities

It's hard not to get excited when you're pregnant and you hear news of celebrities who are also pregnant.

At least if you're me, that's true.

I just read that Jennifer Lopez is pregnant...with twins!

I love her.





And Halle Berry will be a first time mom over forty next year!

I love that Salma Hayek just had a girl, Naomi Watts had a boy, and even troubled child Nicole Richie is sporting a baby bump.


Marcia Cross (another over 40 mama) had her twin girls, Julia Roberts had another boy...

It's almost like they all work at the same yoga studio...

Converted

I just got home from a morning prenatal yoga class. It was great.

Since I had such a difficult time during my first and second trimester, I basically gave up my asana practice. With a great deal of mourning because of it.

At the beginning of my third trimester, I started to feel really stable and settled into my new body, so I started going to classes.

Lo and behold, I have loved them.

I was anxious about taking prenatal classes in the beginning because of my spotting, bedrest, and horribly painful pubic bone. I learned how to manage and indeed how to heal that pain, so that I finally felt ready to go into class and trust that the teachers weren't going to push me or hurt me. Not that anyone can do either of those things at this point, but you never know. My perception was that most prenatal instructors move too quickly or ask you to do too much than you really should be doing.

I started getting lonely, missing my kula a lot, and missing my students.

I realize now that going to the yoga studio is church for me.

There is nothing like the support of a room full of pregnant ladies to keep me going and make me happy. And truthfully, my reason for going to class was the community. Because I can do the "workout" at home.

I love being the "most pregnant" person in class. I tend to take it easy, use lots of props, and be very vocal with my sighing and relaxing. Today I saw three of my students in class, also pregnant. It was delightful to see them, and a few students afterward who had taken classes in the other studio.

Spice-y Not So Nice-y

Ohhhhh, Lord help me.

It's 4 am and my stomach is killing me!

Whoever said to eat spicy food to bring on labor should be SHOT.

Or I should be shot, to put me out of this misery. Gahd!

What an idiot I am for believing everything I read.



That frickin' papaya salad is having its wicked way with me. And I'm soooo tired already!

(So much for my planned field trip to Java Noodles. No frickin' WAY am I going there now!)

I drank every last drop of my Mylanta, too. What next? Charcoal tablets? Fire extinguisher?

Ugh.

If this does induce labor and my child is born tonight, he's going to come out kicking like a Muay Thai fighter and not the little Buddhist monk of my dreams.

I even ate a little sandwich not too long ago just to soak up the lime-chili spice sauce. I believe they drained it off the tip of the Devil's penis.

Red rover, red rover, let Lizzie come over.

Back. Into the Light.

Help me, Mommy!

Stimulating

I just got back from a late-ish dinner w/ Andrew at Titaya's Thai Cuisine, my new favorite eaterie.

I love finding places just by driving by. And I love it even more when you get lucky.

I had the papaya salad, which is INCREDIBLY spicy. Also papaya enzymes supposedly stimulate labor contractions. And other sorts of contractions.

Hercules is definitely rolling around a bit more than usual.

And so am I!

Mmmm hmmm

Wow, I think I might have slept for 6 hours in a row last night.

No meltdowns, no freak out on the house.

Andrew's being so loving and sweet. And so is Tito, our little dog. We've been taking him to a dog behaviorist and it's making a difference in...his behavior.

Everybody seems happier.

Even *I* am slightly less crabby.

Today I got a massage from my pal Melissa, who really fixes me when I'm out of whack. She hit many of the labor points and we had a great conversation about (among other things) politics and election integrity, which of course does not exist. She's been doing 1,000 day sadhana and is on day 600 of reciting daily the Sikh scriptures. Her conclusion? "It's all God." Every bit of it.

Also that, as householders (and not renunciates) our mission is to ENJOY life. I buy that. What other choices do we have?

So if I can step out of the away, align myself with the flow of Grace, accept whatever comes, surrender to the spiritual, be one with the stream, I can enjoy these last moments of early October, of getting in the car with just 30 minutes to spare in order to reach my destination, go have a cup of green tea at the coffee shop alone, go eat a papaya salad at Titaya alone, drive through campus area Austin and reminisce, whatever. I can enjoy the intensity of labor and delivery. I can enjoy the ecstatic birth of my son.

This weekend, if we don't go into labor, we will spend some time outdoors. It's been too hot for me to do that, but now the mornings are bearable, so it could happen.

So the massage may not bring on the labor, that will happen when it's supposed to happen, but it definitely cleared out some garbage and opened me up into greater alignment.

What more could a pregnant girl ask for?

(I know: jalapeno poppers from Alamo Drafthouse.)

Thursday Update

Went for my weekly u/s and exam today...

No baby yet!

Looks good. Plenty of amniotic fluid, practicing his breathing, moving around less but still active, baby passed his Non Stress Test, mom fell asleep while listening to his heart beat in a darkened room, cervix still effaced some but no dilation.

Here is how my day went:

• hangover from extreme grouchiness last night into morning
• slept until 10 am
• u/s appt at 1130 am
• home for nap until 130 pm
• 215 appt with obgyn
• 330 appt with acupuncturist to hit all the points to INDUCE LABOR
• 430 homeward bound
• stop off at Half Price books to peruse for historical mysteries, none found
• slept until 930
• frozen yogurt run with husband and chihuahua
• zombielike stumble around house, check email, update blog
• can't wait to get back in bed

It's hot in here.

Would somebody please do these dishes?

My obgyn is out of town next week, of course. She is anxious about me going over 40 weeks with this baby. We negotiated. I can have a few extra days after his due date before she'll want to induce. I happen to know she doesn't read this blog, so just between you and me, I am really not interested in having a medical induction. I trust my body and my baby to do the right thing.

And I'm going to keep getting acupuncture, and tomorrow I'll go see my massage therapist pal Melissa who has a great track record with expecting mommies and encouraging labor. And yes, I know about evening primrose oil and orgasms. Mmm hmm.

Though frankly, given my ultra bitchiness these past few days, I don't blame Hercules for not wanting to come out just yet.

A Mother's Fantasy

No baby yet.

Braxton Hicks like crazy yesterday that went on for hours. And then let up.

I'm awake at 430 am, sleepless, kind of nauseated and just...awake.

Baby is rolling around in my belly like a good little martial artist.

It's all getting to be VERY EXCITING.

When will he choose to come?

I am already having fantasies about workshops and cool projects I want to initiate once baby is born and we're settled into something of a routine. Whenever that may be.

Like my "Lit From Within" writing and performance workshops.

Like Yoga for Fertile Mind, Soul and Body.

Like my "Breaking the Cherry" book. And perhaps, yes perhaps, another workshop and performance.

Like how about a writing workshop for Moms?

And now I'm inspired to get certified in prenatal bodywork, and perhaps even become some sort of childbirth educator.

I tell you, I can't wait to start teaching prenatal yoga. And when I contemplate and experiment with how to weave the Anusara principles into it...it's downright thrilling.

The possibilities are endless.

And perhaps most of all I'd love to write a book about what it's been like, trying to get pregnant, becoming a first time mom over 40. There really is nothing like it out there. And I have a feeling we are legion.

I'm thinking that doing this, making a baby, the ultimate creative act, has actually fired up all the other forms of creativity in my life. It feels good. I like that my baby is so inspiring to me in this way, already.

Meet the Neighbors

No baby yet, people.

If I don't respond to your emails, which I do love receiving, please understand that I prefer you check this blog to find out how I'm doing. I have SUCH limited capacity right now. I've been sleeping nearly around the clock, except to do things like go to a yoga class or perform another nesting instinct task before baby arrives.

And I will be going to my obgyn every Thursday for an ultrasound and to check on my baby's progress. I'll try to post full reports every time. And every day, a little somethin'.

So last night baby daddy Andrew went to our storage space and brought back a U Haul full of boxes and stuff that we've had in storage for months now.

I was so happy to see my boxes full of books! And knicknacks! And winter clothes!

Bring on the cold front!

I had just gotten back from a lovely prenatal class and was watching him unload stuff in the driveway, when our neighbors across the street came over and offered to help.

Adrian and Sean.

We met them a while ago, when Jennifer came over to do my bellycast and saw them on the street. They're old friends. And well, basically, any friend of the fabulous Jennifer is a friend of mine.

Adrian said, after Andrew politely told them they didn't have to help, "I feel like we can't say no." And so they helped him unload the entire truck in just a few minutes.

I was certainly grateful! And then we stood around and chatted. They are funny!

In a conversation that included our most recent guilty pleasures, including our obsession with Rock of Love, they decided they were going to give us a book to read, The Dirt, which is an autobiography of Motley Crue.

It is exceedingly tawdry, disgusting, and mesmerizing.

I can't put it down!

I feel like I shouldn't be reading it with a baby inside me.

Those guys make the Stones look like altar boys.

So, of course, I highly recommend it as a mindless escape. I was never a fan of the Crue, I can barely recall what their hit songs sound like, and I really don't fully understand what all the fuss is/was about. But it's still fascinating.

Meanwhile...what am I gonna do with all these boxes again?

Fat Face, Hobby Lobby

I just got back from getting an acupuncture treatment designed to stimulate labor. I'm so excited! My acupuncturist is going to be there for our labor and delivery. She's got the mojo.

And then I decided to stop off at Hobby Lobby.

Wow.

What a clusterfuck.

It confirms my suspicions that, in general, hardcore craft ladies are really kind of humorless.

At least when it comes to their craftiness.

The store is huge, there are no maps, and salespeople kind of run away from you as soon as you approach the aisle in which they are working.

I had that slight "I need to pee" sensation the entire time, which may have contributed to my lack of compassion.

And my butt/glutes hurt.

I wanted to get some glue and some paint for my bellycast.

I tried to choose the shortest line, but even the people with the least amount of stuff had coupons, and the people in front of them were disputing the receipt that had just been rung up.

I was one of the troublemakers. I bought a memory book that was marked at half price, according to the poster display where I picked it up, but the cashier didn't believe me, so she had to call for a (shudder) Price Check.

God I hate those! You so often end up having to send a search party for the price checker.

It's one of the prices (ha, ha) you pay for shopping somewhere that isn't completely computerized.

So I got my memory book for half off after about 10 minutes of waiting. I suppose it was worth it. I would never lie about something like that.

I plan to glue all the scraps of paper I've collected over the years into scrapbooks. I'm NOT a scrapbooker; I'm a collector, and I just want to put all that stuff in one place.

Meanwhile, my face is fat.

Puffy.

Puff Mommy.

But it's normal to have a puffy face when you're preggers. The parotid glands under the chin swell...hello, double chin! And the salivary glands kick in overtime, hence my nighttime drooling.

So if you see a superpregnant lady wheeling around in Hobby Lobby with her double chin and her frown, drooling down her shirt, well....it might be me.