Mama Bear Cave

I'm trying to relax now.

PLEASE don't take it personally if I don't call you back or if my emails back to you are short; many people are contacting me asking how I am, if we've given birth yet, etc. I just don't have the energy to talk on the phone...and you will certainly be notified here on this blog or by email when the baby is born.

Most of all I'm going into my Mama Bear Cave, a little melancholy, a little depressed, a little bit needing to be alone with my body and my soul.

I kind of freaked out on Friday, thinking about what my doctor's partner said to me on Thursday when I went in for my weekly series of tests: "You'd hate to lose the baby now after all this time, wouldn't you?" She was warning me that over-40 moms have higher rates of stillborn when they go over their Due Date, and she was pressuring me to schedule an induction next week.

I didn't respond to this until Friday, when I woke up in a cold sweat, feeling suddenly out of control of my son's birth and my own desires for a natural labor and delivery, and listened to my doctor's nurse's voice on my voicemail, telling me they had already scheduled the induction for me.

Noooooooo!

I went to yoga class, got a long nurturing massage, acupuncture, and have been in close contact with my doula and my hypnobirthing instructor. There is no medical evidence to suggest a higher rate for stillborn in over-40 moms, according to hypno teacher. And if we can negotiate it with my doctor, we can stretch out the testing for up to a week after his due date, and try to avoid having to induce.

It's not the worst thing in the world to have to medically induce labor, but I would hate to do it if it is not necessary; ie, if my baby is going to induce his own labor. The medical induction can lead to a cesarean pretty quickly, since it may not work at all, at which point they have no choice but to do a c-birth.

So I'm also making my peace with a c-birth, which is still a spiritual and sacred form of birth. Thank the gods for cesareans; I might not have many of my beloved friends or their children surrounding me if they weren't available!

I am feeling quite crampy today, and I just keep on drinking my raspberry and nettle tea. Plus, get this: I have been WALKING. Yes. It's killing my pubic bone, but if it helps Hercules make his descent, by God I'll do it. And I can always come home and bounce on my birth ball, which relieves a lot of the pain.