I got a couple of phone calls this morning from my fellow pregnant yogini moms who for some reason thought I was already in labor and at the hospital!
JUST A RUMOR.
Not true.
I'm still waddling around my house, rubbing my big Buddha belly, tired as all git out.
My SIL came over today with her cleaning supplies and her truck, and took me to BRU to pick up the elusive dresser/changing table combo I've been wanting for months now. It was a floor model, on sale as CLEARANCE.
For once the BRU staff was helpful and almost even nice.
She's been such a loving support. I am blessed.
But I'm NOT in labor! Not yet.
Our doula came over last night and we had a great, lengthy talk about everything. She's really cool, and we feel like we are in good hands.
So now it's just rest as much as I can, eat well, drink lots of water, do yoga, and get into blissful spiritual mama mode until the little man decides it's time for his closeup.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Aujourd'hui
Had an ultrasound again first thing this morning.
Everything looks great!
Baby is weighing possibly closer to 8 pounds. He has definitely dropped, was much lower in the pelvis than last week. All those contractions yesterday helped him move down!
No change in the cervix; it's still soft. But not dilated. Which is kind of fine with me right now.
He passed his NST -- non-stress test -- and my blood pressure is still 110/60. Plenty of amniotic fluid.
I really want to have a yogic birth, ya'll.
I slept less than 4 hours last night. Time for a nap!
Everything looks great!
Baby is weighing possibly closer to 8 pounds. He has definitely dropped, was much lower in the pelvis than last week. All those contractions yesterday helped him move down!
No change in the cervix; it's still soft. But not dilated. Which is kind of fine with me right now.
He passed his NST -- non-stress test -- and my blood pressure is still 110/60. Plenty of amniotic fluid.
I really want to have a yogic birth, ya'll.
I slept less than 4 hours last night. Time for a nap!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Shine On, Harvest Moon
More babies are born during a full moon than any other time of the month.
It's a fact.
So when I woke up this afternoon from a much-needed nap, my uterus was twisting like a tornado! The "tightening" sensations were INTENSE. I was dreaming that I had asked all these mamas if the fact that the baby was MOVING so much meant he was ready to be born, and they all said "Yes."
Because baby has been Dancing with the Stars all day! I mean super active. And I've been ravenous again, something that hasn't been true for months now. Not since baby took up all the room in my belly. So maybe he's dropping down and my stomach is bigger again.
Anyhoo.
I even called my doula, asking how I would know if I were in labor.
Truthfully, HOW DO YOU KNOW?
Your membranes (water) doesn't always release.
Your contractions are NOT always regular.
You might miss your Birth (bloody) Show.
I've just counted on my intuition to tell me.
And today it told me "Hmmm, well, this could be something."
So my doula had me drink a lot of water and time out FIVE contractions.
My bff Donna was over to help me clean and unpack, so she timed them for me. And I really only got one definite surge/contraction. The rest were like little bitty rushes, tightenings all over the uterus. No menstrual-like cramps, no back pain.
So I dunno. But if anything changes or gets really intense, I'll be ready.
I have an obgyn appt tomorrow morning, first thing. So we'll see what's going on with this cervix!
Or whatever.
It's a fact.
So when I woke up this afternoon from a much-needed nap, my uterus was twisting like a tornado! The "tightening" sensations were INTENSE. I was dreaming that I had asked all these mamas if the fact that the baby was MOVING so much meant he was ready to be born, and they all said "Yes."
Because baby has been Dancing with the Stars all day! I mean super active. And I've been ravenous again, something that hasn't been true for months now. Not since baby took up all the room in my belly. So maybe he's dropping down and my stomach is bigger again.
Anyhoo.
I even called my doula, asking how I would know if I were in labor.
Truthfully, HOW DO YOU KNOW?
Your membranes (water) doesn't always release.
Your contractions are NOT always regular.
You might miss your Birth (bloody) Show.
I've just counted on my intuition to tell me.
And today it told me "Hmmm, well, this could be something."
So my doula had me drink a lot of water and time out FIVE contractions.
My bff Donna was over to help me clean and unpack, so she timed them for me. And I really only got one definite surge/contraction. The rest were like little bitty rushes, tightenings all over the uterus. No menstrual-like cramps, no back pain.
So I dunno. But if anything changes or gets really intense, I'll be ready.
I have an obgyn appt tomorrow morning, first thing. So we'll see what's going on with this cervix!
Or whatever.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Testy, You Say?
Okay, for some reason right now ANYONE offering up even the SWEETEST advice is likely to send me into a rage and cause them to draw back a bloody stump if they foolishly choose to interact with me.
I don't know what it is.
But it's vicious.
My poor mom on the phone tonight...
Sorry, mom.
But don't ever suggest I should be WALKING every day again.
It is kind of fascinating how much information is out there for a pregnant lady...and how it's hard out here for a pimp.
I'm trying to remember my hero Gandhi's teachings, the yoga sutras, the noble truths of Buddhism, the words of Christ, the wisdom of the Bhagavad Gita and all the ages.
"Be kind."
Essentially.
BUT...
I don't know what it is.
But it's vicious.
My poor mom on the phone tonight...
Sorry, mom.
But don't ever suggest I should be WALKING every day again.
It is kind of fascinating how much information is out there for a pregnant lady...and how it's hard out here for a pimp.
I'm trying to remember my hero Gandhi's teachings, the yoga sutras, the noble truths of Buddhism, the words of Christ, the wisdom of the Bhagavad Gita and all the ages.
"Be kind."
Essentially.
BUT...
Number 37, Have a Look
Holy embryo.
It's WEEK THIRTY SEVEN. Worth spelling out.
Why?
Because this is the week my baby boy is considered "Full Term."
In full bloom.
Little lotus is opening!
He could wait 3 more weeks to be born, and that would be fine with me.
Or he could succumb, like so many do, to the pull of the full moon right now and be drawn right out of the womb and into the world!
But in any case, the Pregnancy Journey (Trip is more like it) is about to end. I have to admit, I'm kind of sad.
In spite of everything -- the swelling, the bleeding, the pains and aches, the cutting back on the yoga, the missing out on things -- I have LOVED being pregnant. There is nothing in my life experience that even compares. It's all such a great Unknown, such a Mystery. All the capitalized Big Concepts, rolled into one. Faith. Surrender. Love. Life.
I'm taking friends' and other moms' advice and trying to SLEEP now, in spite of my OCD Nesting Instinct.
So keep your eyes and ears peeled for that Great Announcement.
It's WEEK THIRTY SEVEN. Worth spelling out.
Why?
Because this is the week my baby boy is considered "Full Term."
In full bloom.
Little lotus is opening!
He could wait 3 more weeks to be born, and that would be fine with me.
Or he could succumb, like so many do, to the pull of the full moon right now and be drawn right out of the womb and into the world!
But in any case, the Pregnancy Journey (Trip is more like it) is about to end. I have to admit, I'm kind of sad.
In spite of everything -- the swelling, the bleeding, the pains and aches, the cutting back on the yoga, the missing out on things -- I have LOVED being pregnant. There is nothing in my life experience that even compares. It's all such a great Unknown, such a Mystery. All the capitalized Big Concepts, rolled into one. Faith. Surrender. Love. Life.
I'm taking friends' and other moms' advice and trying to SLEEP now, in spite of my OCD Nesting Instinct.
So keep your eyes and ears peeled for that Great Announcement.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
The OC (D)
When did laundry become an obsession?
The sight of soiled clothing on the closet floor sends me into panic disorder. A stiff towel gives me chills.
I was never like this P.P. (pre-pregnancy) -- that's for sure.
It has become a ritual for me now to wash, dry, and sort clothing. Even Andrew's!
If I see something in the house that is grossing me out, I dive in and clean it up.
Or I get super depressed because really, I'm not able to do very much at this point. I can't do a lot of bending over without my low back KILLING me.
I scrubbed the bathroom floor yesterday and it was torture.
I know: "Rest, Liz! Silly lady!"
But I can't. It's like when I was 12 years old and afraid I was going to be possessed by the Devil all over again. It' s not real, it's not that important, and I can't stop thinking about it.
If I let the wadded up kleenex (tm) sit on the table it will haunt me ALL NIGHT LONG. It whispers to me, no matter where I am in the house. "Oh Liz...I'm greasy...I'm crumpled up...the trash can is less than 3 feet away from me...I can see it..."
If dishes sit in the sink, dirty, and I am in bed reading, my eyes will bounce off the same words in my book over and over again without their meaning ever sinking in, because my brain is somewhere else: THE KITCHEN SINK.
Is this really The Nesting Instinct?
I dunno, man.
I'm having the impulse to put up pictures, frame posters, and paint my bellycast too. But maybe I should pack for the hospital first. Or get a dresser for the mountain of clothes that need to be put away for Hercules.
Or sit and contemplate the beauty of the trees all around me. Stick my feet in some water.
I was never good at being domestic.
I was always good at dreaming, being blissed out, drinking in the flavors of the world around me. Suddenly that all seems lost.
Wouldn't a good little Tantrika find the Divine in these everyday things? Taking out the trash. Watering the plants. Folding little baby clothes. Making the bed. All important spiritual matters.
Thank God for meditation.
The sight of soiled clothing on the closet floor sends me into panic disorder. A stiff towel gives me chills.
I was never like this P.P. (pre-pregnancy) -- that's for sure.
It has become a ritual for me now to wash, dry, and sort clothing. Even Andrew's!
If I see something in the house that is grossing me out, I dive in and clean it up.
Or I get super depressed because really, I'm not able to do very much at this point. I can't do a lot of bending over without my low back KILLING me.
I scrubbed the bathroom floor yesterday and it was torture.
I know: "Rest, Liz! Silly lady!"
But I can't. It's like when I was 12 years old and afraid I was going to be possessed by the Devil all over again. It' s not real, it's not that important, and I can't stop thinking about it.
If I let the wadded up kleenex (tm) sit on the table it will haunt me ALL NIGHT LONG. It whispers to me, no matter where I am in the house. "Oh Liz...I'm greasy...I'm crumpled up...the trash can is less than 3 feet away from me...I can see it..."
If dishes sit in the sink, dirty, and I am in bed reading, my eyes will bounce off the same words in my book over and over again without their meaning ever sinking in, because my brain is somewhere else: THE KITCHEN SINK.
Is this really The Nesting Instinct?
I dunno, man.
I'm having the impulse to put up pictures, frame posters, and paint my bellycast too. But maybe I should pack for the hospital first. Or get a dresser for the mountain of clothes that need to be put away for Hercules.
Or sit and contemplate the beauty of the trees all around me. Stick my feet in some water.
I was never good at being domestic.
I was always good at dreaming, being blissed out, drinking in the flavors of the world around me. Suddenly that all seems lost.
Wouldn't a good little Tantrika find the Divine in these everyday things? Taking out the trash. Watering the plants. Folding little baby clothes. Making the bed. All important spiritual matters.
Thank God for meditation.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Fetal Position
Today was Hercules's 36-week bio-physical ultrasound profile!
The ultrasound was fab.
He's in a great position, head down (and low!) facing my spine, feet up under my ribs, measurements and all the landmarks look great...they say he probably weighs about 7 pounds, there's plenty of amniotic fluid, and I was negative for Strep B.
And Dr. Weihs signed off on our Birth Preferences/Plan.
Doc says that in their practice, they don't like to let over-40 mamas carry their babies past due date. So we have the green light to start trying to induce, doing all those natural labor-induction things you do.
Any suggestions?
Spicy food, hot sex, acupuncture, acupressure...what else?
I still don't want him to come just yet!
The electricians are almost done with our house. I can't even tell you how GOOD it feels to be here, now that I know our plugs are grounded and the electric is (supposedly) up to code, and much safer.
I don't feel like our baby (or one of us) is going to stick a diaper pin into an outlet and catch the wall on fire...like I did when I was a baby!
Here's hoping NOT.
We will unpack and set up bookshelves this weekend, get rid of all the boxes that are still lying around, and hopefully have things in shipshape by next week.
Early this evening I ran into another pregnant couple walking their little boy in a stroller; they live right down the street and are having a girl in November! They also told me there was another baby due this fall on our street. I think it'll be cool if Hercules gets to grow up with a handful of kids his age.
It seems to all be falling into place. Thank you, Ganesha!
I've been taking prenatal yoga classes and have really been enjoying them. I've gone to 4 different teachers now, all of whom have very different approaches. All of whom were very good.
I think I'll keep going as long as I can. It's kind of hard to get up and down off the floor these days. But I love feeling the strength in my legs and in my arms. I don't feel that I've lost that too much. I try to do my downward dog pushups, and my utkatasana.
Know what my latest trick is?
Drooling. All night. Wet pillow. Wet cheek.
Drool.
I'm working on some poetry too, which I will post for you soon.
Meanwhile, an amazing poem by Sharon Olds, who used to annoy the hell out of me:
The ultrasound was fab.
He's in a great position, head down (and low!) facing my spine, feet up under my ribs, measurements and all the landmarks look great...they say he probably weighs about 7 pounds, there's plenty of amniotic fluid, and I was negative for Strep B.
And Dr. Weihs signed off on our Birth Preferences/Plan.
Doc says that in their practice, they don't like to let over-40 mamas carry their babies past due date. So we have the green light to start trying to induce, doing all those natural labor-induction things you do.
Any suggestions?
Spicy food, hot sex, acupuncture, acupressure...what else?
I still don't want him to come just yet!
The electricians are almost done with our house. I can't even tell you how GOOD it feels to be here, now that I know our plugs are grounded and the electric is (supposedly) up to code, and much safer.
I don't feel like our baby (or one of us) is going to stick a diaper pin into an outlet and catch the wall on fire...like I did when I was a baby!
Here's hoping NOT.
We will unpack and set up bookshelves this weekend, get rid of all the boxes that are still lying around, and hopefully have things in shipshape by next week.
Early this evening I ran into another pregnant couple walking their little boy in a stroller; they live right down the street and are having a girl in November! They also told me there was another baby due this fall on our street. I think it'll be cool if Hercules gets to grow up with a handful of kids his age.
It seems to all be falling into place. Thank you, Ganesha!
I've been taking prenatal yoga classes and have really been enjoying them. I've gone to 4 different teachers now, all of whom have very different approaches. All of whom were very good.
I think I'll keep going as long as I can. It's kind of hard to get up and down off the floor these days. But I love feeling the strength in my legs and in my arms. I don't feel that I've lost that too much. I try to do my downward dog pushups, and my utkatasana.
Know what my latest trick is?
Drooling. All night. Wet pillow. Wet cheek.
Drool.
I'm working on some poetry too, which I will post for you soon.
Meanwhile, an amazing poem by Sharon Olds, who used to annoy the hell out of me:
The Language of the Brag
I have wanted excellence in the knife-throw,
I have wanted to use my exceptionally strong and accurate arms
and my straight posture and quick electric muscles
to achieve something at the center of a crowd,
the blade piercing the bark deep,
the haft slowly and heavily vibrating like the cock.
I have wanted some epic use for my excellent body,
some heroism, some American achievement
beyond the ordinary for my extraordinary self,
magnetic and tensile, I have stood by the sandlot
and watched the boys play.
I have wanted courage, I have thought about fire
and the crossing of waterfalls, I have dragged around
my belly big with cowardice and safety,
stool charcoal from the iron pills,
huge breasts leaking colostrum,
legs swelling, hands swelling,
face swelling and reddening, hair
falling out, inner sex
stabbed again and again with pain like a knife.
I have lain down.
I have lain down and sweated and shaken
and passed blood and shit and water and
slowly alone in the center of a circle I have
passed the new person out
and they have lifted the new person free of the act
and wiped the new person free of that
language of blood like praise all over the body.
I have done what you wanted to do, Walt Whitman,
Allen Ginsberg, I have done this thing,
I and the other women this exceptional
act with the exceptional heroic body,
this giving birth, this glistening verb,
and I am putting my proud American boast
right here with the others.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Take the Yoga Snob Quiz!
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Basics, in General
Tonight we're supposed to take a "Breastfeeding Basics" class.
This is the topic I feel the least prepared for; I have been reading up on just about every other aspect of pregnancy and caring for newborns. For some reason I think it will be more productive to actually practice breastfeeding than read about it.
Speaking of basics, since we're essentially locked out of our house while the electricians are there, I had a really rough day today without internet access.
I got a couple of writing assignments yesterday, which I am very excited about, and a Thursday afternoon deadline. "No problem," I thought, yesterday. "I'll have all day Wednesday to do it." Weeelll, no.
For one thing, I feel like absolute SHIT today. This is one of those pregnant days where really all I want to do is sleep. I am having more of those as the due date draws near.
I had to force myself out of our hotel room bed, drive around town looking for a COLD cafe with wifi so I could actually log in and find out what my assignment consists of, and then I had a hellacious time with my computer and cookies and opening files...
Hey, do I only ever complain on this blog? It seems like it. What are blogs for, if not complaining?
Oh, I don't know...inspiring?
Okay.
It will ALL work out. I know it.
This is the topic I feel the least prepared for; I have been reading up on just about every other aspect of pregnancy and caring for newborns. For some reason I think it will be more productive to actually practice breastfeeding than read about it.
Speaking of basics, since we're essentially locked out of our house while the electricians are there, I had a really rough day today without internet access.
I got a couple of writing assignments yesterday, which I am very excited about, and a Thursday afternoon deadline. "No problem," I thought, yesterday. "I'll have all day Wednesday to do it." Weeelll, no.
For one thing, I feel like absolute SHIT today. This is one of those pregnant days where really all I want to do is sleep. I am having more of those as the due date draws near.
I had to force myself out of our hotel room bed, drive around town looking for a COLD cafe with wifi so I could actually log in and find out what my assignment consists of, and then I had a hellacious time with my computer and cookies and opening files...
Hey, do I only ever complain on this blog? It seems like it. What are blogs for, if not complaining?
Oh, I don't know...inspiring?
Okay.
It will ALL work out. I know it.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Gimme Shelter
Woo hoo!
The electricians are here! The electricians are here!
Finally.
Ooops, no power you say?
That's okay; I'll go hang out at my favorite coffee shop all day.
Take a prenatal yoga class.
Go get a massage.
36 Weeks!
It's hot in here.
The electricians are here! The electricians are here!
Finally.
Ooops, no power you say?
That's okay; I'll go hang out at my favorite coffee shop all day.
Take a prenatal yoga class.
Go get a massage.
36 Weeks!
It's hot in here.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
IKEA Saved My Life!!! Hail, IKEA!
So we moved into this great new house, but we are still unpacking and it's driving me CRAZY.
I have no less than 1,000 books -- many more than that, actually -- and our thought was that we'd hire someone to do some built-in shelves so we'd have all the shelves we needed to stack them, and to put away our home office files.
WRONG.
Without going into all the gory details at this moment, allow me to just vent my frustration on all the lame and lousy "contractors" or "service providers" who live in this town.
YOU PEOPLE SUCK!!!!!!
And people say that massage therapists or yoga teachers or poets are flaky.
NOT BY A LONG SHOT.
It's not like we're some ultra rich, privileged couple who are demanding and unreasonable and think the world should be at our beck and call. No. We had a little extra money put aside to improve on the house, hopefully before the baby comes. That is all. It's needed a lot of work. I did a LOT of research to find references to a decent electrician, a green lawn service, and a good mover. And my nesting instinct has had me online until all hours doing this research, trying my best to Keep Austin Weird, to buy locally and think globally, etc.
Let me warn you against the following incompetent boobs:
M and M Moving Service
Scotty Reynolds Electric
Dan Ulrich Electric
Janet's Solar Electric
Green Lawn Service
The Bookcase Store
In ALL cases, people were either called to inquire about their services several times and never called us back, promises were made on their part and not kept, and flakiness and downright incompetence ensued. I mean seriously; if you ran an electrical service, spent a couple hours checking out all the work you needed to do on an old house, told the owners you'd have an estimate for them in a few days, asked for several extensions on said estimate, then just completely gave up and never returned their calls again...would you still be in business? WTF?
Yesterday at the Bookcase Store Andrew was treated like crap, when all he was doing was bringing the guy design specs AS SPECIFIED ON THEIR FUCKING WEBSITE. Which I will not even link to here. We painstakingly measured all of our walls, doorways, windows, and open spaces where we'd like to put the shelves. AS SPECIFIED ON THEIR WEBSITE, he brought all these measurements in to the store. The rude dick who could hardly be bothered to even look at him told Andrew, who is the sweetest guy in the world, when presented with the information, "I can't tell you what you want." To which sweetest guy in the world responded by blowing up at rude dick. And I don't blame him.
Way to lose business, asshole.
Aren't you just sick of people who can't even look you in the face, try to understand where you're coming from, or even offer a little help?
So I suggested we try IKEA.
And we did.
Got all the shelves we wanted for less than 800 bucks.
Delivered today, soon to be installed, soon to have all our books and everything else piled on them.
Now usually we totally support -- we got our of our WAY to support -- local businesses. But local businesses apparently have shit service, and could care less about the individual customer. It is SO discouraging. Is everyone here in the ATX just STONED? Is everyone just hung over? Can this slacker town keep up with the big city? I have yet to see it. Not if our experiences these past few weeks are any indication.
So even though they're a major corporation in a big box store, I will go to IKEA from now on for my household needs.
And everytime I see their sign, my heart will swell with joy as I recall how sweet the cashiers were, how thorough the delivery people were, and how they brought me all my shelving in one day. God Bless IKEA, and FUCK the Bookcase Store.
On the other hand, the people who work at Babies-R-Us are a bunch of weak shitheads and need to be punished.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Hurricane Watch
Well, at 35 weeks, we'd all better start getting prepared.
I'm having a lot of practice contractions.
Stock up on water.
Board up the windows.
Fill up the gas tank.
Powerbars? Check.
Maternity (disposable) undies and bra? Check.
Disposable birth plan? Check.
Warm socks? Check.
Sitter for Tito? Check.
Maximum pads? Check.
Laborade? Check.
List of who to call? Check.
Name for baby? Uh...
Check...sort of.
Sense of humor?
Sense of humor?
Hello?
I'm having a lot of practice contractions.
Stock up on water.
Board up the windows.
Fill up the gas tank.
Powerbars? Check.
Maternity (disposable) undies and bra? Check.
Disposable birth plan? Check.
Warm socks? Check.
Sitter for Tito? Check.
Maximum pads? Check.
Laborade? Check.
List of who to call? Check.
Name for baby? Uh...
Check...sort of.
Sense of humor?
Sense of humor?
Hello?
Over It. Seriously.
Thank you for the love sent my way after yesterday's post. I even whined to my mother.
Apparently there's something called "The Austin City Limits Festival" that is going on this weekend, so many of my potential helpers are too busy enjoying themselves there to come and help me out. Whatev.
I have to admit I cannot fathom why anyone would want to subject themselves to an outdoor concert anymore. I think perhaps touring all summer with Lollapalooza, albeit over 10 years ago, put the burn on me for outdoor festivals FOREVER. Indoor festival, yes. Outdoor? Please kill me.
Should I just start a column with "You Know You're Over 40 When..." ?
We have a long list of stuff to do today, including our official tour of the hospital where we plan to give birth. And a stop at the bookshelf store, to order our shelves that we so desperately need.
Where is the haiku moment in all of this?
I wish I could go put my feet in the ocean today.
Apparently there's something called "The Austin City Limits Festival" that is going on this weekend, so many of my potential helpers are too busy enjoying themselves there to come and help me out. Whatev.
I have to admit I cannot fathom why anyone would want to subject themselves to an outdoor concert anymore. I think perhaps touring all summer with Lollapalooza, albeit over 10 years ago, put the burn on me for outdoor festivals FOREVER. Indoor festival, yes. Outdoor? Please kill me.
Should I just start a column with "You Know You're Over 40 When..." ?
We have a long list of stuff to do today, including our official tour of the hospital where we plan to give birth. And a stop at the bookshelf store, to order our shelves that we so desperately need.
Where is the haiku moment in all of this?
I wish I could go put my feet in the ocean today.
Friday, September 14, 2007
SOS Whatever
Ya know, I'm being ignored. I'm hormonal and I need to get this off my chest.
Everyone kept telling me I needed to be sure to ASK for help, and well, I did that today.
And the response has really fucking hurt my feelings.
Boo hoo me.
Everyone kept telling me I needed to be sure to ASK for help, and well, I did that today.
And the response has really fucking hurt my feelings.
Boo hoo me.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
35 Weeks Update
I started the day with a really relaxing massage. I fell asleep and drooled, which is always my goal when getting massaged.
The massage therapist is a friend, someone I went to massage school with, who shares space with my acupuncturist. She was one of those massage prodigies in school, and I was not disappointed with her skills this morning.
I think every pregnant lady should get frequent massages. Only with someone who knows what they're doing, of course.
Anyway.
I bought my first nursing bras today. I really dreaded going in there, but the sales woman was so nice and knowledgeable it made it a very pleasant experience. "Have I ever got the bra for YOU!" she said. And she was right.
So about that update...
I went to see my obgyn today.
Blood pressure was up a tiny bit, but I figure that is because I was sitting out in the hot sun eating spicy food right before. Also, with the heat, I'm swelling everywhere, even my tongue.
Apparently I have lost weight; when the nurse puts me on the scale I stick my fingers in my ears and go "lalalalallala" so I don't have to KNOW.
Doc says baby's head is down, positioning is therefore good. I've been on all fours a lot, and leaning forward a lot, to encourage him to let his heavy little skull drop down. I can't say for sure though that he has officially dropped down in my pelvis; maybe.
Doc also said my cervix was still thin, but not dilated at all. Of course that could change any second. There's no reason to anticipate that the baby will be born before his due date. Nonetheless, I'm worried that he will. I just feel so unprepared. In spite of the heat, swelling, grumpiness et al I am not anxious for him to be outside of me. In spite of well-meaning strangers who suggest I'd like for him to be born sooner than later. In spite of it all.
'Course, I will accept whatever he chooses. It's not up to me now, is it?
My doctor visits will now be a weekly affair. Next week we'll have a detailed ultrasound to check on baby's progress. And our doula will be coming over for her first home visit.
On the way out the door, Dr. Weihs said, "I'm so excited!" And I said, "Me too!" She is genuinely excited for us, and I love that. She's got 4 kids herself, which in my mind is a ringing endorsement of her and of motherhood.
Another ringing endorsement of motherhood was seeing my yogini moms tonight. I dragged my tired butt over to Ravyn's house to welcome her baby's soul into its body since it's the 120th day of her pregnancy; this is a kundalini yoga tradition, and it was really cool. Two yoga moms were there with their young babies, and much to my surprise so was a woman from my Hypnobirthing class! I saw her face first at the table, and smiled in puzzled recognition. I had to ask her "Where do I know you from?"
Normally I remember everything and everyone's names; not so since my pregnancy. I even ran into a longtime student of mine at Wheatsville yesterday and I almost forgot her name!
Fortunately I have no problem saying "I'm sorry, please tell me your name again."
The little blessing we gave Ravyn and her baby was wonderful. Everyone talked about dreams they'd been having or had had while pregnant; I have to say that my dreams have been very lite, not at all what I expected.
I certainly have lingering anxieties about the labor and delivery, but I haven't had any anxious dreams about it. I really feel confident and trust that all will be fine, no matter what.
I did have a vision of my son's face today, however, while in a hypnagogic state on the massage table. These things need to come unbidden.
And he looked just like my mother's father, with a round little face, black eyes, and dark hair.
At some point during the pregnancy I was looking at a picture of Conor Oberst on the cover of one of Andrew's indie rock magazines, and I showed it to him, saying: "This is what our kid is going to look like when he grows up."
You never know.
L+A=Conor?
The massage therapist is a friend, someone I went to massage school with, who shares space with my acupuncturist. She was one of those massage prodigies in school, and I was not disappointed with her skills this morning.
I think every pregnant lady should get frequent massages. Only with someone who knows what they're doing, of course.
Anyway.
I bought my first nursing bras today. I really dreaded going in there, but the sales woman was so nice and knowledgeable it made it a very pleasant experience. "Have I ever got the bra for YOU!" she said. And she was right.
So about that update...
I went to see my obgyn today.
Blood pressure was up a tiny bit, but I figure that is because I was sitting out in the hot sun eating spicy food right before. Also, with the heat, I'm swelling everywhere, even my tongue.
Apparently I have lost weight; when the nurse puts me on the scale I stick my fingers in my ears and go "lalalalallala" so I don't have to KNOW.
Doc says baby's head is down, positioning is therefore good. I've been on all fours a lot, and leaning forward a lot, to encourage him to let his heavy little skull drop down. I can't say for sure though that he has officially dropped down in my pelvis; maybe.
Doc also said my cervix was still thin, but not dilated at all. Of course that could change any second. There's no reason to anticipate that the baby will be born before his due date. Nonetheless, I'm worried that he will. I just feel so unprepared. In spite of the heat, swelling, grumpiness et al I am not anxious for him to be outside of me. In spite of well-meaning strangers who suggest I'd like for him to be born sooner than later. In spite of it all.
'Course, I will accept whatever he chooses. It's not up to me now, is it?
My doctor visits will now be a weekly affair. Next week we'll have a detailed ultrasound to check on baby's progress. And our doula will be coming over for her first home visit.
On the way out the door, Dr. Weihs said, "I'm so excited!" And I said, "Me too!" She is genuinely excited for us, and I love that. She's got 4 kids herself, which in my mind is a ringing endorsement of her and of motherhood.
Another ringing endorsement of motherhood was seeing my yogini moms tonight. I dragged my tired butt over to Ravyn's house to welcome her baby's soul into its body since it's the 120th day of her pregnancy; this is a kundalini yoga tradition, and it was really cool. Two yoga moms were there with their young babies, and much to my surprise so was a woman from my Hypnobirthing class! I saw her face first at the table, and smiled in puzzled recognition. I had to ask her "Where do I know you from?"
Normally I remember everything and everyone's names; not so since my pregnancy. I even ran into a longtime student of mine at Wheatsville yesterday and I almost forgot her name!
Fortunately I have no problem saying "I'm sorry, please tell me your name again."
The little blessing we gave Ravyn and her baby was wonderful. Everyone talked about dreams they'd been having or had had while pregnant; I have to say that my dreams have been very lite, not at all what I expected.
I certainly have lingering anxieties about the labor and delivery, but I haven't had any anxious dreams about it. I really feel confident and trust that all will be fine, no matter what.
I did have a vision of my son's face today, however, while in a hypnagogic state on the massage table. These things need to come unbidden.
And he looked just like my mother's father, with a round little face, black eyes, and dark hair.
At some point during the pregnancy I was looking at a picture of Conor Oberst on the cover of one of Andrew's indie rock magazines, and I showed it to him, saying: "This is what our kid is going to look like when he grows up."
You never know.
L+A=Conor?
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Portrait of a (Pregnant) Lady
My friend Mary Pat took some gorgeous preggo photos last week.
That is one of them to the right. Here is another:
I guess the truth is, I am blissed out with the baby. Every morning I wake up with tightness in my uterus, and it's so heavy I'm really feeling the strain on my ligaments. And I'm exhausted, can't seem to sleep more than 2-4 hours at a time.
Nonetheless, it feels right. And totally sweet.
Now all I want to read about is breastfeeding, and newborn care. We took a "baby care basics" class last night and it was both fascinating and mind-numbing.
I already love to cogitate on poop; considering the poop of a newborn is mesmerizing to me.
Two of my yogini mama friends celebrated the 120th day of their pregnancies this week. That is said to be the day when the soul enters the body.
I want to finish unpacking my books so I can go back to reading what is happening with baby on a weekly basis.
I think this is the week I get a strep B test and perhaps the more detailed ultrasound.
It rained all morning and I slept in.
That is one of them to the right. Here is another:
I guess the truth is, I am blissed out with the baby. Every morning I wake up with tightness in my uterus, and it's so heavy I'm really feeling the strain on my ligaments. And I'm exhausted, can't seem to sleep more than 2-4 hours at a time.
Nonetheless, it feels right. And totally sweet.
Now all I want to read about is breastfeeding, and newborn care. We took a "baby care basics" class last night and it was both fascinating and mind-numbing.
I already love to cogitate on poop; considering the poop of a newborn is mesmerizing to me.
Two of my yogini mama friends celebrated the 120th day of their pregnancies this week. That is said to be the day when the soul enters the body.
I want to finish unpacking my books so I can go back to reading what is happening with baby on a weekly basis.
I think this is the week I get a strep B test and perhaps the more detailed ultrasound.
It rained all morning and I slept in.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Freak Out!
Oh my God, I just realized I am 35 WEEKS PREGNANT!
I believe baby is considered "full term" at 37 weeks.
I'm already beyond exhausted. I can't sleep. It's that simple. My hips hurt. I have to pee all the time. My mind cannot slow down, in spite of all the years of meditation practice.
Strangers who see me in public and ask when he's due always say "I bet you're ready for him to be born." And the truth is, NO. I'm not.
I still have so much to do before baby Hercules makes his appearance.
Like figure out what his name will REALLY be.
Like wrap up some tax business.
Like go to a prenatal yoga class.
Take infant and child CPR.
Tonight we're taking a "Baby Basics" class. I swear to you, I have NO idea what goes into taking care of a newborn. (And DON'T write and tell me "All you need is a boob and love.")
There is so much planning that goes into this, if you're smart.
For example, we have to buy window treatments for our house. Right now all we have up are sheets. I know. There are people in Alabama who survive just fine with only sheets for window treatments. Good for them.
But in our case, we want blinds. And not just ordinary blinds; we have been warned of the danger and hazards of having cords on our blinds, aka strangulation devices. So we have to special order some cordless blinds.
I'm just sayin, this is a "for example" of some of the shit we have to think about before Hercules gets here.
I really want him to keep growing. This is the critical time for brain development. I want his brain to be as big and functional and juicy as it possibly can be. YES I listen to Mozart. YES we read to him and croon to him every night.
YES he gets to listen to CNN News and even Whoopi Goldberg's opinions on "The View."
Which I have started watching. It's mesmerizing.
Elizabeth Hasselbutt is one of the most annoying human beings on the planet. It annoys me that she's pregnant right now. And only just intelligent enough to think she has a right to her opinions. Why is it that the most conservative seem to have the least amount of life experience?
Watching her debate with her fellow co-hosts -- so much older, so much wiser, so much more experienced in life -- reminds me of my college days, coming home for Thanksgiving with the extended family. As the token liberal, I would always be grilled on topics such as ebonics, welfare, homelessness, feminism. And I would always get deeply upset. The Republican/Democrat dialectic is so silly at this point. For me it transcends politics, and moves into the realm of morality and ethics. Like WHY would you not want all the homeless people in the US to be taken care of by the government and our collective tax dollars? I do not understand the "Republican" objection to this. But then again I have actually worked extensively with the homeless, so I actually know who ends up that way and why.
But I digress.
Hercules.
Not ready.
Must meditate.
Must do yoga.
Must let go.
Must let Elizabeth Hasselbutt be pregnant and ignorant and on national television.
Thank God for Whoopi.
I believe baby is considered "full term" at 37 weeks.
I'm already beyond exhausted. I can't sleep. It's that simple. My hips hurt. I have to pee all the time. My mind cannot slow down, in spite of all the years of meditation practice.
Strangers who see me in public and ask when he's due always say "I bet you're ready for him to be born." And the truth is, NO. I'm not.
I still have so much to do before baby Hercules makes his appearance.
Like figure out what his name will REALLY be.
Like wrap up some tax business.
Like go to a prenatal yoga class.
Take infant and child CPR.
Tonight we're taking a "Baby Basics" class. I swear to you, I have NO idea what goes into taking care of a newborn. (And DON'T write and tell me "All you need is a boob and love.")
There is so much planning that goes into this, if you're smart.
For example, we have to buy window treatments for our house. Right now all we have up are sheets. I know. There are people in Alabama who survive just fine with only sheets for window treatments. Good for them.
But in our case, we want blinds. And not just ordinary blinds; we have been warned of the danger and hazards of having cords on our blinds, aka strangulation devices. So we have to special order some cordless blinds.
I'm just sayin, this is a "for example" of some of the shit we have to think about before Hercules gets here.
I really want him to keep growing. This is the critical time for brain development. I want his brain to be as big and functional and juicy as it possibly can be. YES I listen to Mozart. YES we read to him and croon to him every night.
YES he gets to listen to CNN News and even Whoopi Goldberg's opinions on "The View."
Which I have started watching. It's mesmerizing.
Elizabeth Hasselbutt is one of the most annoying human beings on the planet. It annoys me that she's pregnant right now. And only just intelligent enough to think she has a right to her opinions. Why is it that the most conservative seem to have the least amount of life experience?
Watching her debate with her fellow co-hosts -- so much older, so much wiser, so much more experienced in life -- reminds me of my college days, coming home for Thanksgiving with the extended family. As the token liberal, I would always be grilled on topics such as ebonics, welfare, homelessness, feminism. And I would always get deeply upset. The Republican/Democrat dialectic is so silly at this point. For me it transcends politics, and moves into the realm of morality and ethics. Like WHY would you not want all the homeless people in the US to be taken care of by the government and our collective tax dollars? I do not understand the "Republican" objection to this. But then again I have actually worked extensively with the homeless, so I actually know who ends up that way and why.
But I digress.
Hercules.
Not ready.
Must meditate.
Must do yoga.
Must let go.
Must let Elizabeth Hasselbutt be pregnant and ignorant and on national television.
Thank God for Whoopi.
Monday, September 3, 2007
On Being Blessed
Okay, I wrote this post from the mama daddy baby blessing last weekend. I have been waiting for pictures from people who were there, but they're not coming in very quickly so I'm gonna go ahead and post this memoir. Cheerz!
Tonight we sorted through gifts from our Mama Papa Baby Blessing, and were once again overwhelmed at the generosity of our friends and family. So many of my friends have had babies recently; I got a lot of new mom swag!
A. put together the baby's crib, which is a beautiful item. We also put together his bookshelves -- you should see his library, already stacking up! -- and some shelving for his clothes.
So much thought and care went into the blessing and into the gifts we received, I don't even know how to write about it.
First of all, it was held at Rasa's beautiful home, which she has turned into a temple. It feels like love and health and nurturing the minute you walk in.
My friends Rasa, Olivia, Zoe, Jennifer, Julie and Donna all conspired to make it happen. They outdid themselves. There were flowers. A chocolate fountain. Vegetarian snacks. Garlands for our wrists, necks, heads. Rasa set up a throne for me and for Andrew. We were blown away. Tony and Donna and Sravaniya and Rasa all sang kirtan, which I LOVE so much; later Mark and Gloria joined them. Everyone gathered and I got to introduce all of these lovely, luscious people to one another.
My mom was there, also being honored. She was so happy and looked so beautiful! She is going to be one loving grandma. I hope she spoils Hercules rotten.
And my dearest friend and beloved aunt Marie was there, with her beautiful daughter Amy. The same weekend we had our Blessing she was sending Amy off to college. It was a bittersweet realization.
My wildly creative friend Diana came with her wildly creative daughter Lulu, who was adorable and kept making suggestions for the baby's name, and told great stories. My friend Jenn showed up with her newborn girl, looking so serene and being so articulate and sincere. And Sunni with her newborn redheaded beauty, and the other Zoe, tall Greek Zoe with all the tattooes, with her new babe Gabriel, who is truly angelic. And Miriam brought Daniel, who at 9 months is a smiley, happy big boy with bright eyes. And Paige came with Julien, curly haired, blue eyed Julien, who is just about a year old and mischievous and impish and truly entertaining to all of us. It was wonderful to have all of these children there as well as their parents. And so many yoga mamas! I'm thrilled to have such a community.
And Ravyn and Faris came, all 15 weeks pregnant of them. I can't wait for our children to play together. And Lesley with her 20 weeks or thereabouts pregnant belly; it is so exciting to have so many yoga mamas to BE around, too!
And my wonderful non-mama friends, who were there to show love and support for our revolutionary selves, as well as my wonderful sis in law Rita and her dear hubby Nathan -- they will be great aunts and uncles, all of Andrew's sisters and their hubbies -- I'm trying to remember everyone...Mary, who cut her hair and is as thoughtful as the day is long...Diane, who was so there for me for so long as we traded acupuncture and massage treatments and who encouraged me to become an older mom like her...and our acupuncturist Sarai, who charmed everyone and was so funny presenting her dog's letter to our dog about how he better enjoy his reign in the house while he still can...
Lize, who gave Hercules his first banned book...and who, along with deep souls Mary Pat and Brigitte, are among my closest kulamates in our many-years-long spiritual practice together...
Many great yogi friends showed up...and my poet performance companion Carol was there....and Jessica...we had grandma Donna there, who had helped her daughters give birth to her grandchildren...and my writer friend Alyssa, with orange grove scent...and powerhouse writer pals Julie and Susan -- we have the same doctor -- and...Dede with her dimples and her wit...doula yogini Mary, who taught me about "Preconception Yoga" and Lotus birth, and her unwavering commitment to female power.
I'm starting to sound a little like Dorothy at the end of the "Wizard of Oz." My sister in law Sandra was there; I got to tease her about being my "Crib Wrangler" the other day -- she whipped those Babies-R-Us boys into shape!
It was a truly holy sort of event. The deer came out at the end, eating in Rasa's backyard. It added that magical touch. Friends shared lovely bits of wisdom, some stories and some poetry -- thank you Zoe for our favorite, St. Teresa! -- and we laughed. A lot. One friend told me later that she was having a really crap day and the minute she walked in she felt like SHE was being blessed.
They say it is very auspicious to be born into a family of yogis. Hercules is lucky!
I wanted to reclaim something for myself there, and stake out something new. I wanted to acknowledge the transition and the transformation we're undergoing, me and Andrew and the baby. I wanted to let go of just holding on to being fat, hot, uncomfortable or whatever, and turn it into owning my full blooming self and power as a woman, as a creator.
I felt honored to have Rasa and Zoe cleanse my feet. I felt honored that so many loving people wanted to share their best wishes with us. I want Hercules to know that his presence in our lives has already become a healing balm, an organizing force, a force of nature, a garland in and of itself.
Each one of us a mala, a prayer, a bead on a string that never breaks.
Tonight we sorted through gifts from our Mama Papa Baby Blessing, and were once again overwhelmed at the generosity of our friends and family. So many of my friends have had babies recently; I got a lot of new mom swag!
A. put together the baby's crib, which is a beautiful item. We also put together his bookshelves -- you should see his library, already stacking up! -- and some shelving for his clothes.
So much thought and care went into the blessing and into the gifts we received, I don't even know how to write about it.
First of all, it was held at Rasa's beautiful home, which she has turned into a temple. It feels like love and health and nurturing the minute you walk in.
My friends Rasa, Olivia, Zoe, Jennifer, Julie and Donna all conspired to make it happen. They outdid themselves. There were flowers. A chocolate fountain. Vegetarian snacks. Garlands for our wrists, necks, heads. Rasa set up a throne for me and for Andrew. We were blown away. Tony and Donna and Sravaniya and Rasa all sang kirtan, which I LOVE so much; later Mark and Gloria joined them. Everyone gathered and I got to introduce all of these lovely, luscious people to one another.
My mom was there, also being honored. She was so happy and looked so beautiful! She is going to be one loving grandma. I hope she spoils Hercules rotten.
And my dearest friend and beloved aunt Marie was there, with her beautiful daughter Amy. The same weekend we had our Blessing she was sending Amy off to college. It was a bittersweet realization.
My wildly creative friend Diana came with her wildly creative daughter Lulu, who was adorable and kept making suggestions for the baby's name, and told great stories. My friend Jenn showed up with her newborn girl, looking so serene and being so articulate and sincere. And Sunni with her newborn redheaded beauty, and the other Zoe, tall Greek Zoe with all the tattooes, with her new babe Gabriel, who is truly angelic. And Miriam brought Daniel, who at 9 months is a smiley, happy big boy with bright eyes. And Paige came with Julien, curly haired, blue eyed Julien, who is just about a year old and mischievous and impish and truly entertaining to all of us. It was wonderful to have all of these children there as well as their parents. And so many yoga mamas! I'm thrilled to have such a community.
And Ravyn and Faris came, all 15 weeks pregnant of them. I can't wait for our children to play together. And Lesley with her 20 weeks or thereabouts pregnant belly; it is so exciting to have so many yoga mamas to BE around, too!
And my wonderful non-mama friends, who were there to show love and support for our revolutionary selves, as well as my wonderful sis in law Rita and her dear hubby Nathan -- they will be great aunts and uncles, all of Andrew's sisters and their hubbies -- I'm trying to remember everyone...Mary, who cut her hair and is as thoughtful as the day is long...Diane, who was so there for me for so long as we traded acupuncture and massage treatments and who encouraged me to become an older mom like her...and our acupuncturist Sarai, who charmed everyone and was so funny presenting her dog's letter to our dog about how he better enjoy his reign in the house while he still can...
Lize, who gave Hercules his first banned book...and who, along with deep souls Mary Pat and Brigitte, are among my closest kulamates in our many-years-long spiritual practice together...
Many great yogi friends showed up...and my poet performance companion Carol was there....and Jessica...we had grandma Donna there, who had helped her daughters give birth to her grandchildren...and my writer friend Alyssa, with orange grove scent...and powerhouse writer pals Julie and Susan -- we have the same doctor -- and...Dede with her dimples and her wit...doula yogini Mary, who taught me about "Preconception Yoga" and Lotus birth, and her unwavering commitment to female power.
I'm starting to sound a little like Dorothy at the end of the "Wizard of Oz." My sister in law Sandra was there; I got to tease her about being my "Crib Wrangler" the other day -- she whipped those Babies-R-Us boys into shape!
It was a truly holy sort of event. The deer came out at the end, eating in Rasa's backyard. It added that magical touch. Friends shared lovely bits of wisdom, some stories and some poetry -- thank you Zoe for our favorite, St. Teresa! -- and we laughed. A lot. One friend told me later that she was having a really crap day and the minute she walked in she felt like SHE was being blessed.
They say it is very auspicious to be born into a family of yogis. Hercules is lucky!
I wanted to reclaim something for myself there, and stake out something new. I wanted to acknowledge the transition and the transformation we're undergoing, me and Andrew and the baby. I wanted to let go of just holding on to being fat, hot, uncomfortable or whatever, and turn it into owning my full blooming self and power as a woman, as a creator.
I felt honored to have Rasa and Zoe cleanse my feet. I felt honored that so many loving people wanted to share their best wishes with us. I want Hercules to know that his presence in our lives has already become a healing balm, an organizing force, a force of nature, a garland in and of itself.
Each one of us a mala, a prayer, a bead on a string that never breaks.
Obligatory Ultrasound Photo: Shoulderstand at 16 weeks!