[FIGHT]
I give up. The sleep, the coffee, the confounding ever-present stink of dog pee near my head, somewhere. Everywhere? I can't seem to pull my true self out so she can be the one, the one to kiss and make everything better for every one; she instead of this multiheaded hydra hag of a mother, this snaggletoothed bloodthirsty mean kali ma, mean cloverfield momzilla ma, this dehydrated self pitying furious cursing talks to herself ma. where oh where can my true self be, oh where oh where has she gone? if i dig down deep i am still sweet, the dirty dishes are still a part of my spiritual path and not a conspiracy to unravel my soul.
Obligatory Ultrasound Photo: Shoulderstand at 16 weeks!
7 comments:
YES! I hear you!!!
Sums it up perfectly! I have been struggling with my identity lately.
Keep the faith.
I had a therpaist who used to say, "Christina, you just can't get through life without getting some of it on you..."
And then there is that Jungian koan-like question to always keep in our minds-"Do you wnat to be good or be whole?"
Anyway- it was great to see you yesterday. I personally think you are a goddess.
Thanks, all! This is one of my "Five Minute Writing Exercises."
I love that quote from your therapist, Christina! It is especially apt when I'm covered in cream of wheat, spinach, sweet potato, poo, whatever...
And of course I want to be whole! I want to love and accept ALL of it. My true self includes the multiheaded hydra mama...
Exactly.
I love those parts of you, personally because when you are so honest about how all that is in you I feel totally safe to be with all that is in me!
The Medusa in me honors and recognizes the Medusa in you....
"be still"..... let be
love
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