Hurricane Watch

Well, at 35 weeks, we'd all better start getting prepared.

I'm having a lot of practice contractions.

Stock up on water.

Board up the windows.

Fill up the gas tank.

Powerbars? Check.

Maternity (disposable) undies and bra? Check.

Disposable birth plan? Check.

Warm socks? Check.

Sitter for Tito? Check.

Maximum pads? Check.

Laborade? Check.

List of who to call? Check.

Name for baby? Uh...

Check...sort of.

Sense of humor?

Sense of humor?

Hello?

Over It. Seriously.

Thank you for the love sent my way after yesterday's post. I even whined to my mother.

Apparently there's something called "The Austin City Limits Festival" that is going on this weekend, so many of my potential helpers are too busy enjoying themselves there to come and help me out. Whatev.

I have to admit I cannot fathom why anyone would want to subject themselves to an outdoor concert anymore. I think perhaps touring all summer with Lollapalooza, albeit over 10 years ago, put the burn on me for outdoor festivals FOREVER. Indoor festival, yes. Outdoor? Please kill me.

Should I just start a column with "You Know You're Over 40 When..." ?

We have a long list of stuff to do today, including our official tour of the hospital where we plan to give birth. And a stop at the bookshelf store, to order our shelves that we so desperately need.

Where is the haiku moment in all of this?

I wish I could go put my feet in the ocean today.

SOS Whatever

Ya know, I'm being ignored. I'm hormonal and I need to get this off my chest.

Everyone kept telling me I needed to be sure to ASK for help, and well, I did that today.

And the response has really fucking hurt my feelings.

Boo hoo me.

35 Weeks Update

I started the day with a really relaxing massage. I fell asleep and drooled, which is always my goal when getting massaged.

The massage therapist is a friend, someone I went to massage school with, who shares space with my acupuncturist. She was one of those massage prodigies in school, and I was not disappointed with her skills this morning.

I think every pregnant lady should get frequent massages. Only with someone who knows what they're doing, of course.

Anyway.

I bought my first nursing bras today. I really dreaded going in there, but the sales woman was so nice and knowledgeable it made it a very pleasant experience. "Have I ever got the bra for YOU!" she said. And she was right.

So about that update...

I went to see my obgyn today.

Blood pressure was up a tiny bit, but I figure that is because I was sitting out in the hot sun eating spicy food right before. Also, with the heat, I'm swelling everywhere, even my tongue.

Apparently I have lost weight; when the nurse puts me on the scale I stick my fingers in my ears and go "lalalalallala" so I don't have to KNOW.

Doc says baby's head is down, positioning is therefore good. I've been on all fours a lot, and leaning forward a lot, to encourage him to let his heavy little skull drop down. I can't say for sure though that he has officially dropped down in my pelvis; maybe.

Doc also said my cervix was still thin, but not dilated at all. Of course that could change any second. There's no reason to anticipate that the baby will be born before his due date. Nonetheless, I'm worried that he will. I just feel so unprepared. In spite of the heat, swelling, grumpiness et al I am not anxious for him to be outside of me. In spite of well-meaning strangers who suggest I'd like for him to be born sooner than later. In spite of it all.

'Course, I will accept whatever he chooses. It's not up to me now, is it?

My doctor visits will now be a weekly affair. Next week we'll have a detailed ultrasound to check on baby's progress. And our doula will be coming over for her first home visit.

On the way out the door, Dr. Weihs said, "I'm so excited!" And I said, "Me too!" She is genuinely excited for us, and I love that. She's got 4 kids herself, which in my mind is a ringing endorsement of her and of motherhood.

Another ringing endorsement of motherhood was seeing my yogini moms tonight. I dragged my tired butt over to Ravyn's house to welcome her baby's soul into its body since it's the 120th day of her pregnancy; this is a kundalini yoga tradition, and it was really cool. Two yoga moms were there with their young babies, and much to my surprise so was a woman from my Hypnobirthing class! I saw her face first at the table, and smiled in puzzled recognition. I had to ask her "Where do I know you from?"

Normally I remember everything and everyone's names; not so since my pregnancy. I even ran into a longtime student of mine at Wheatsville yesterday and I almost forgot her name!

Fortunately I have no problem saying "I'm sorry, please tell me your name again."

The little blessing we gave Ravyn and her baby was wonderful. Everyone talked about dreams they'd been having or had had while pregnant; I have to say that my dreams have been very lite, not at all what I expected.

I certainly have lingering anxieties about the labor and delivery, but I haven't had any anxious dreams about it. I really feel confident and trust that all will be fine, no matter what.

I did have a vision of my son's face today, however, while in a hypnagogic state on the massage table. These things need to come unbidden.

And he looked just like my mother's father, with a round little face, black eyes, and dark hair.

At some point during the pregnancy I was looking at a picture of Conor Oberst on the cover of one of Andrew's indie rock magazines, and I showed it to him, saying: "This is what our kid is going to look like when he grows up."

You never know.
L+A=Conor?