Portrait of a (Pregnant) Lady

My friend Mary Pat took some gorgeous preggo photos last week.

That is one of them to the right. Here is another:




















I guess the truth is, I am blissed out with the baby. Every morning I wake up with tightness in my uterus, and it's so heavy I'm really feeling the strain on my ligaments. And I'm exhausted, can't seem to sleep more than 2-4 hours at a time.

Nonetheless, it feels right. And totally sweet.

Now all I want to read about is breastfeeding, and newborn care. We took a "baby care basics" class last night and it was both fascinating and mind-numbing.

I already love to cogitate on poop; considering the poop of a newborn is mesmerizing to me.

Two of my yogini mama friends celebrated the 120th day of their pregnancies this week. That is said to be the day when the soul enters the body.

I want to finish unpacking my books so I can go back to reading what is happening with baby on a weekly basis.

I think this is the week I get a strep B test and perhaps the more detailed ultrasound.

It rained all morning and I slept in.

Freak Out!

Oh my God, I just realized I am 35 WEEKS PREGNANT!

I believe baby is considered "full term" at 37 weeks.

I'm already beyond exhausted. I can't sleep. It's that simple. My hips hurt. I have to pee all the time. My mind cannot slow down, in spite of all the years of meditation practice.

Strangers who see me in public and ask when he's due always say "I bet you're ready for him to be born." And the truth is, NO. I'm not.

I still have so much to do before baby Hercules makes his appearance.

Like figure out what his name will REALLY be.

Like wrap up some tax business.

Like go to a prenatal yoga class.

Take infant and child CPR.

Tonight we're taking a "Baby Basics" class. I swear to you, I have NO idea what goes into taking care of a newborn. (And DON'T write and tell me "All you need is a boob and love.")

There is so much planning that goes into this, if you're smart.

For example, we have to buy window treatments for our house. Right now all we have up are sheets. I know. There are people in Alabama who survive just fine with only sheets for window treatments. Good for them.

But in our case, we want blinds. And not just ordinary blinds; we have been warned of the danger and hazards of having cords on our blinds, aka strangulation devices. So we have to special order some cordless blinds.

I'm just sayin, this is a "for example" of some of the shit we have to think about before Hercules gets here.

I really want him to keep growing. This is the critical time for brain development. I want his brain to be as big and functional and juicy as it possibly can be. YES I listen to Mozart. YES we read to him and croon to him every night.

YES he gets to listen to CNN News and even Whoopi Goldberg's opinions on "The View."

Which I have started watching. It's mesmerizing.

Elizabeth Hasselbutt is one of the most annoying human beings on the planet. It annoys me that she's pregnant right now. And only just intelligent enough to think she has a right to her opinions. Why is it that the most conservative seem to have the least amount of life experience?

Watching her debate with her fellow co-hosts -- so much older, so much wiser, so much more experienced in life -- reminds me of my college days, coming home for Thanksgiving with the extended family. As the token liberal, I would always be grilled on topics such as ebonics, welfare, homelessness, feminism. And I would always get deeply upset. The Republican/Democrat dialectic is so silly at this point. For me it transcends politics, and moves into the realm of morality and ethics. Like WHY would you not want all the homeless people in the US to be taken care of by the government and our collective tax dollars? I do not understand the "Republican" objection to this. But then again I have actually worked extensively with the homeless, so I actually know who ends up that way and why.

But I digress.

Hercules.

Not ready.

Must meditate.

Must do yoga.

Must let go.

Must let Elizabeth Hasselbutt be pregnant and ignorant and on national television.

Thank God for Whoopi.

On Being Blessed

Okay, I wrote this post from the mama daddy baby blessing last weekend. I have been waiting for pictures from people who were there, but they're not coming in very quickly so I'm gonna go ahead and post this memoir. Cheerz!

Tonight we sorted through gifts from our Mama Papa Baby Blessing, and were once again overwhelmed at the generosity of our friends and family. So many of my friends have had babies recently; I got a lot of new mom swag!

A. put together the baby's crib, which is a beautiful item. We also put together his bookshelves -- you should see his library, already stacking up! -- and some shelving for his clothes.

So much thought and care went into the blessing and into the gifts we received, I don't even know how to write about it.

First of all, it was held at Rasa's beautiful home, which she has turned into a temple. It feels like love and health and nurturing the minute you walk in.

My friends Rasa, Olivia, Zoe, Jennifer, Julie and Donna all conspired to make it happen. They outdid themselves. There were flowers. A chocolate fountain. Vegetarian snacks. Garlands for our wrists, necks, heads. Rasa set up a throne for me and for Andrew. We were blown away. Tony and Donna and Sravaniya and Rasa all sang kirtan, which I LOVE so much; later Mark and Gloria joined them. Everyone gathered and I got to introduce all of these lovely, luscious people to one another.

My mom was there, also being honored. She was so happy and looked so beautiful! She is going to be one loving grandma. I hope she spoils Hercules rotten.

And my dearest friend and beloved aunt Marie was there, with her beautiful daughter Amy. The same weekend we had our Blessing she was sending Amy off to college. It was a bittersweet realization.

My wildly creative friend Diana came with her wildly creative daughter Lulu, who was adorable and kept making suggestions for the baby's name, and told great stories. My friend Jenn showed up with her newborn girl, looking so serene and being so articulate and sincere. And Sunni with her newborn redheaded beauty, and the other Zoe, tall Greek Zoe with all the tattooes, with her new babe Gabriel, who is truly angelic. And Miriam brought Daniel, who at 9 months is a smiley, happy big boy with bright eyes. And Paige came with Julien, curly haired, blue eyed Julien, who is just about a year old and mischievous and impish and truly entertaining to all of us. It was wonderful to have all of these children there as well as their parents. And so many yoga mamas! I'm thrilled to have such a community.

And Ravyn and Faris came, all 15 weeks pregnant of them. I can't wait for our children to play together. And Lesley with her 20 weeks or thereabouts pregnant belly; it is so exciting to have so many yoga mamas to BE around, too!


And my wonderful non-mama friends, who were there to show love and support for our revolutionary selves, as well as my wonderful sis in law Rita and her dear hubby Nathan -- they will be great aunts and uncles, all of Andrew's sisters and their hubbies -- I'm trying to remember everyone...Mary, who cut her hair and is as thoughtful as the day is long...Diane, who was so there for me for so long as we traded acupuncture and massage treatments and who encouraged me to become an older mom like her...and our acupuncturist Sarai, who charmed everyone and was so funny presenting her dog's letter to our dog about how he better enjoy his reign in the house while he still can...

Lize, who gave Hercules his first banned book...and who, along with deep souls Mary Pat and Brigitte, are among my closest kulamates in our many-years-long spiritual practice together...

Many great yogi friends showed up...and my poet performance companion Carol was there....and Jessica...we had grandma Donna there, who had helped her daughters give birth to her grandchildren...and my writer friend Alyssa, with orange grove scent...and powerhouse writer pals Julie and Susan -- we have the same doctor -- and...Dede with her dimples and her wit...doula yogini Mary, who taught me about "Preconception Yoga" and Lotus birth, and her unwavering commitment to female power.

I'm starting to sound a little like Dorothy at the end of the "Wizard of Oz." My sister in law Sandra was there; I got to tease her about being my "Crib Wrangler" the other day -- she whipped those Babies-R-Us boys into shape!

It was a truly holy sort of event. The deer came out at the end, eating in Rasa's backyard. It added that magical touch. Friends shared lovely bits of wisdom, some stories and some poetry -- thank you Zoe for our favorite, St. Teresa! -- and we laughed. A lot. One friend told me later that she was having a really crap day and the minute she walked in she felt like SHE was being blessed.

They say it is very auspicious to be born into a family of yogis. Hercules is lucky!

I wanted to reclaim something for myself there, and stake out something new. I wanted to acknowledge the transition and the transformation we're undergoing, me and Andrew and the baby. I wanted to let go of just holding on to being fat, hot, uncomfortable or whatever, and turn it into owning my full blooming self and power as a woman, as a creator.

I felt honored to have Rasa and Zoe cleanse my feet. I felt honored that so many loving people wanted to share their best wishes with us. I want Hercules to know that his presence in our lives has already become a healing balm, an organizing force, a force of nature, a garland in and of itself.

Each one of us a mala, a prayer, a bead on a string that never breaks.

Okay, Just So You Know

Went to the obgyn today and all is looking good.

I didn't want to know how much weight I've gained, thanks but no thanks, so I looked the other way while the nurse checked. And I've lost 2 pounds! Wow. Unbelievable. I'm feeling so gigantic. And last night we had a late diner dinner of Boca burgers, salads, and fries.

My blood pressure remains a low 110/60. My swollen feet are not a worry, I just need to drink (even) more water. I've been feeling the Braxton Hicks tightening in my uterus for several days now -- especially under the full moon! -- but they really do come and go. So I'm not as freaked out about them as I was at first.

And then I asked Dr. Weihs to see if she could tell which position my baby was in. After a moment of palpation, she said she thought his head was down, with his shoulder somewhere near the top of my pubic bone -- if there's a rhythmic pulsing there from time to time, and there is, it's usually hiccups and that is usually the shoulder -- plus where she felt the bulge of his butt and the location of his kicks...his back is facing my front, which is what I was hoping for.

I can feel his toes tickling my ribs. A couple of times this has made me cry out in shock. It's just such a strange feeling, and happens so unexpectedly.

Of course babies change positions constantly, even during labor.

Baby moves around a LOT, ya'll. I'm counting his kicks. He is supposed to move 10 times within 2 hours, which I am supposed to check on at least once a day. I usually do this first thing in the morning, and baby likes to sleep first thing in the morning, so I drink a lot of cold water and start jostling him around.


We'll get another detailed ultrasound at 36 weeks to see that he's developing at a blessed rate, and have some tests done.

We had a great, lengthy meeting with our doula last night about birth preferences and creating our birth plan.

Our doc is so flexible and experienced, we feel totally confident that our wishes will be honored.

This is another great thing about being a 43-year old first time mom; I know for a fact that nobody's opinion about what we should do during labor and delivery is going to hurt my feelings if I disagree with it. I also know that I am no pushover.

I have one more thing to say...that I honestly have never longed to be older or younger than the age I am, no matter what age I am. I saw "Stardust" with my BFF Donna the other night, and while I thought it was lovely and escapist, I am really sick and tired of seeing older women portrayed as old ugly witches, longing to be young and beautiful again, and willing to go to any length to do so. I have never felt that way in my life.

I've noticed, sure, that my status as a babe diminished once I hit 25, but I've never longed to be anything other than what I am. Sometimes I am shocked when I see a middle-aged woman in the mirror and realize that it's ME, but I also know that I feel more centered, fulfilled, complete, sexy, all those things, than I ever did before.

I'd love to see women unite on this issue someday. And meanwhile, I still love watching "Rock of Love with Bret Michaels."