A Little New Mama FYI

Again, typing while breastfeeding.

Carrie Contey recommended "Touchpoints" by Brazelton to me when I asked about developmental milestones.

She only slightly hesitated, because truthfully it's less crazymaking and better for the baby if new parents follow the baby's lead with milestones, rather than try to force them on him/her, or expect milestones when baby's not ready yet. Etc.

I think most new parents probably worry about this shit. And totally buy into it when we don't need to.

And so it begins, the induction into the world of consumerist capitalist fear-based self image.

I pretty successfully ditched all the "What to Expect" books and their ilk. I even ditched Dr. Sears, for a time.

I like the Brazelton.

He talks about a baby's nervous system, and he talks about it from the baby's perspective.

I was reflecting today how quite possibly the "La Leche" approach, which seemingly holds that breastfeeding is a panacea for all ills, might be slightly arrogant on the part of us bf'ing mothers.

Maybe we just wish we were all things to our baby. Maybe we should offer pacifiers, daddy's chest, a chance for baby to "cry it out" when they're too fussy to feed.

In fact, I'm really talking about myself here. I'm trying to take the approach (and it's ALL a great big experiment) of first taking a deep breath, taking care of myself, then letting the little one hang out at the breast. If he's hungry, he'll eat. If he's overstimulated, he'll cry. And I'll let him. I experimented with this today. A lot of us hate to hear our babies cry.

So I really listened to his cry today. At first, it really made me sore that he sobbed when daddy put him on the bfing pillow. For weeks now, feeding has been the ultimate soother for him. (See how my ego has gotten involved? Ay yi yi.) Lately I've had to start putting a blanket over his head just so he'll eat. Otherwise he loves to visit with me, look around, chat it up, try to get ME to smile at HIM, etc.

It's darn cute, but I am his mama and I know he needs to eat!

Hence the blanket, which actually helps.

So again, today, when he cried and cried at the breast, I listened, and it seemed to be getting less as he cried, rather than more. It sounded more like grumpiness from being awakened from a nap than pain. And it wasn't a wet diaper. So I let him feel his feelings and express them. Then, sure enough, after about 5 minutes, he calmed himself down, and turned to the breast. I took a deep deep breath, which communicated to him that I was calm and he could relax too if he wanted. So then he ate a while, and fell asleep. Yay!

It really and truly is a DANCE, as they say.

And I realized, today, that I will only be feeding him breastmilk exclusively for another three months. Then it's solid food in addition to bmilk. So this time we have now is even more precious! Grueling or challenging as it may be.

I also assume he's in a growth spurt, which means he's taking in more information and stimulus, and needs more time to "Cry it out" or feel his feelings and then sleeeeep to integrate it all.

WHEW!

I need a parenting yoga teacher to watch me with him and give me instructions. And then I can try them out at home, on our own.

It's the same thing, really.

I can offer my students one thing in class; it's their home practice that really informs them.